Food

Food is a passion of mine, what can I say, I come from a family where we planned our days around our meals. When dinner is ready, I am ready, none of this waiting around finishing other tasks, they will be there when you finish. When I moved out for college, I started to cook on my own more. Previously I would help my mom, she would instruct me. Mostly my jobs involved cutting and stirring. But once on my own I had to do it myself. And once I married Tom I cooked even more. I have discovered cooking for one is hard and not very fun. I like having someone to enjoy the food with.

I'm grateful to have a husband who likes many different foods. I sometimes get a look when I tell him what something is but he is always willing to try and sometimes comes out of it enjoying something he never thought he would. Like today...

My parents help support our ministry by giving us groceries from time to time. Yesterday when my mom came to watch Micah so Tom and I could have a much needed date night (well date afternoon), she brought groceries. It's a bit like Christmas morning, I'm not sure what she will bring. She will ask me what I need and so she does bring that but often she will pick up other things, fruit that's in season or items that she is also getting for herself. Yesterday it was radishes.

Now as a kid I enjoyed radishes raw dipped in ranch or some other sauce. I was a weird kid, I liked green onions the same way. Today I decided to slice some up and throw them in my salad but that still left me with a ton. What do you do with radishes? When I have extra ingredients or just looking for something good to make I tend to go to one of my favorite websites tastespotting.com or, if that proves unsuccessful foodgawker.com

A friend of ours told me about it, he told us he wanted to make us dinner and he made us salmon ravioli's. I'm not a huge fan of salmon but I loved that he used wonton wrappers for the raviolis. He told me it wasn't his idea but he had seen it on tastespotting. Ever since I have drooled as I looked at the different recipes, people sure are talented!

Anyways back to today, I searched radishes and found that in France they eat sliced radishes on bread. I found many variations including making herbed butter and a salad with pan seared radishes. I combined the two and was presently surprised. Tom gave me one of those looks when I offered him a bite and told him that it was radishes but he did enjoy it. I doubt I will go out of my way to get radishes but if I get some thats definitely something to do. Next time I think I will do the salad with pan seared radishes and avocado. That looked pretty yummy.

While I was on tastespotting I also did some searching for sweets. It's almost Christmas again, I want to show my loved ones that I care but often the gifts I want to get them are just out of our price range. When I make something homemade I feel like I am doing more, taking more time then just going out and buying some gift. I'm one of those people that have to find the perfect gift. And become frustrated if I can't. Last year I started early and knitting a lot of gifts but this year with Micah I have not had much time. And really how many scarfs do people need? I am currently only knitting one large gift for Christmas, if I finish it early I might make some other small gifts for other people but we will see.

Right now for Christmas sweets I am thinking candied orange peels (some friends brought over oranges from their parents trees yesterday yum!), hot fudge, peppermint bark and perhaps caramel bark. We will see what I end up getting to.

Friday Tom leaves for a whole week which has me both sad since I will miss him and fairly anxious. The longest it has been just me and Micah was only a two night trip. Tom is much better at putting him down to sleep so this will be interesting. When Tom gets back, he will have one day to rest then we will go to his parents for almost a week. Hoping I can hang in there until Christmas! Still need to finish Christmas shopping. It's surprising how much longer everything takes with a little one!

Baby News:
Micah is still growing like crazy, he is so big! He smiles all the time and loves when we sing to him, he enjoys looking in your eyes and "talking". He has discovered his feet a few times, but not so much his hands. I think whenever he remembers his hands he wants to just shove them in his mouth. He is able to get his thumb in his mouth but he is better at getting his pointer finger in. Nights are getting a little easier but I still look forward to the day that I can enjoy a full nights sleep. His current favorite songs are Joy to the World and You are My Sunshine. I'm falling more in love with him every day :)

Cal Poly News:
This week is finials, I can't believe it's already the end of the quarter! We had the Christmas party last week and Micah went to it. It was his first student event. We had an ugly sweater contest, cookie decorating and white elephant. It was a blast! I'm looking forward to next quarter, Micah are getting into a grove and we plan to jump into more activities in January. Excited to get back with the group. There has been a ton of new students which is awesome but I haven't meet most of them. It will be nice to be back out there some.

Prayers:
-Tom and two of our staff girls are traveling to Colorado Springs for a training summit. Prayer for their safe travels and for Micah and I being home without dad.
-Pray for the students during their finials week and as they return home for the holidays
-Pray that we all remember what Christmas is about and that this Christmas we get to enjoy quality time with God and get to know Him more intimately

Cleaning house

Between baby stuff and now Christmas decorations my house seems so cluttered. Today I started to go through everything again to find stuff to get rid of. I'm starting with my clothes. I'm such a pack rat, I found a pair of pants that i have had since Junior High. Here is the arguments that occurred in my head:

A: these have got to go
B: I can't get rid of them!
A: yea but they are SO ugly!
but they are so comfy!
A: You own comfy pants that are also cute, why do you need ugly, old pants
B: ... I dunno, but they are SO comfy!
A: when is the last time you wore them?
B: ...fine

I have my two personalities duling it out. The one personality likes stuff clean, the idea of keeping stuff that has no purpose is dumb. But my other side is the pack rat, what if I might need it again? Why buy something new when I could just keep this and use it? It's a constant battle. Now that Micah is here my pack rat side is losing out. Just to much clutter. Finding time to pick up is hard, easier if there is less to pick up! Now just hoping I find the time to clean out my house before the pack rat finds a way back in!

Motherhood

September 14 at 4:30 am Micah James Nelson was born! Our official due date was September 15, our 3 year wedding anniversary. At our ultrasound I had asked if our due date changed and for his measurement they actually had it on the 14 but still said the 15 since it's all a guess. And yesterday I realized that his daddy was also born on the 14, though in February.



What an adventure, trail, challenge and joy. There are so many words that could describe these past 2 1/2 weeks. Giving birth was the most intense thing I have ever gone through, I'm still amazed at what my body was able to do. I still can't believe I'm a mom. Sometimes I will be doing something and forget, when I do remember I feel a sense of panic, where is he? is he ok? Though usually he calls my attention back before that.

The first week and 1/2 were super hard, I knew this time would be as I'm awful when I don't get enough sleep. But that first bit was even harder since for some reason I never thought about the healing that I would need to go through as well. Now I am feeling so much better physically (aside from lack of sleep) and I think that has made it easier. Micah is also occasionally sleeping for 4 hours at night which means up to 3 1/2 hour chunk of sleep for mommy and daddy! For those of you who don't have kids, the first week or two (and still the occasional night) it's more like an hour and a half if that. It's still hard to believe he is ours! He is just so wonderful, and it's so funny, he keeps me up at all hours of the night, poops and pees on me and is always was ready and demanding to eat when I am starving. And yet I love this little guy, seeing his sweet face makes me so happy!

Cal Poly started back on the 20, Tom slowly transitioned back in and last week was back to his normal schedule. He is so happy to be back with the students but it has been hard for him to leave Micah, he keeps his cell on him at all times and often will check in with me for updates. It's so amazing to see my husband now a father, and what a blessing he has been, I can't imagine doing this without him!

Tom said at the first Gathering (our weekly large group bible study with students) there was a lot of new faces and most came back the second week with more! It's exciting, it's also a bit hard for me since I don't get to be a part of it all. I'm learning there are many joys with motherhood but lots of things you end up feeling "left out" of. This past week Micah and I did do a few staff and training things. This next week we will be doing the same. I'm trying my best not to jump into to many things, though it's hard to slow down and allow others to help and to ask for help. This year is our second year of training and our study we are going through requires 10+ hours of study a week which means my training will be a large part of what my time is focused on this year. That and learning how to be a good mom and also what it means to be a parent and married.

This month, Tom will be traveling for our staff regional bible study for one night and then the Road Rally for two nights. The Road Rally is a weekend where staff and students drive up and volunteer to help clean, paint and serve in the neighborhood for Shoulder to Shoulder, here is a link for what they are all about http://www.navigators.org/us/support/projects/shoulder-to-shoulder Tom went last year to the Road Rally and had an amazing time, he is so excited to go again this year. We have already had more interest from students for this year which is great. With the quarter school the Fall quarter seems to be the toughest on students as they adjust to the quarter system and are often not very available until Winter quarter when they start getting it down.

Please be praying for Tom and I as we continue to adjust to parenthood and ministry. And for rest, especially for rest :P

New Edge

Yesterday we spent the morning helping one of our new Edge staff girls move in. For those of you who don't know Edge is a part of the Navigators. It's a way for recent college graduates to give 1-2 years of their time after college to spread God's word. Edge students receive training and provide aid to already running ministries. After their 1-2 years they continue on into a normal career. Tom and I are technically Edge, we joined the Navigators in this way for the training. While for most Edge is only a 1-2 year commitment with the Navigators, Tom and me plan on staying on with the Navigators indefinitely until God leads us out of it.

This year we will have two Edge staff girls. We are so excited about them, they both came to visit before summer and we think their personalities will be great! The first year of Edge is always hard, like any job you are coming into someone else's vision. There are things you have to do that you don't understand, things that you would do differently (and someday might do that way). A new bunch of coworkers. The first quarter seems to be the hardest, school starts and you hit the ground running.

It's true that "the harvest is plentiful but the laborers are few". Like every ministry it's hard to not let the needs you see around you run you ragged. You start to feel like it's all on you and if it you don't do it, it wont get done. It's not just a job left undone, its a person who is hurting that you might have been able to help. And let's not forget that you are being financially supported by people who don't see your everyday to-do list, you feel an obligation to them to use every second and every dollar wisely. No wonder so many pastors and missionaries get burned out.

It's so easy to forget that it's not about us, how much we can do on our own. It's about God, it's His work. If I run out of time or cannot talk to three people in desperate need at one time, I am not failing them, it's not about me working harder. Perhaps God wanted them to be separated at this hard time, or perhaps with me out of the way someone else will step up and love them. When we forget that we cannot mess up God's work is when we lose sight of who is really in control. In college I was involved in a college ministry, in some ways I think the girl who was meeting with me made some poor choices, I think much of her advice was self motivated. But you know what, that is what caused me to grow. I had no one to turn to but God. I had to seek Him and listen to Him only. I feel like that is the time my relationship with God really started to grow.

Starting this post, I did not plan on going there but God certainly directs. As I am heading into this next year at Cal Poly, I need to remember why I'm here, who sent me and in the end, who's work I am doing. I'm chomping at the bit to get this next year started. I think some really cool things are going to happen, and I have no idea what those will be, it may seem small or not even clear to many but I think God has some cool stuff to show me. I think God has some really sweet stuff planned for our two new Edge girls, I think it will be hard year for them, in many ways I think our staff will fail them and yet it's all in God's control, it will happen the way He wants it.

Please be praying for:
-our new Edge girls that they are open to what God has in store for them this year
-for unity in our staff, that we serve and love each other this year and continue to grow closer
-for the students we will be connecting with, that God brings us together, shows us where we should be reaching in and that their hearts would be open to experiencing God
-for baby Nelson and for me, patience in this time of waiting and for a healthy delivery in God's time

I'm growing a baby, what did you do today?

As of Wednesday I am considered full term. I still can't believe it! Tom has been impatiently waiting for baby to come and his excitement has rubbed off and now I'm feeling equally impatient. I just want the little guy to come! It doesn't help that last week was the end of crazy summer stuff. This week has felt much more relaxed which for me, who enjoys a schedule, has been tough. I still have a long to-do-list but it's all small errands and stuff around the house, things I'm not all that excited about doing. I wish Cal Poly was in, I keep hoping baby will come early because I really don't want to miss the first Gathering and other Navigator stuff. This summer has been so much more busy then we thought but it has been really good. I'm surprised at how much I was able to get done. The baby room is ready and turned out so much better than I thought. I keep going in there and sitting on my glider just enjoying it.

Cal Poly doesn't start until September 20. Tom's weekly guys bible study has still been going great, and he has been meeting one on one with many guys. We also have been working on fund raising. With our need went up and so we have been trying to reach out to new folks, churches and also some people who have already contacted. We have already been blessed by many but still have a ways to go.

While many of the Nav guys stayed in town this summer, not so with most of the girls. Off and on we have had girls around but the last few weeks most have been home to enjoy the last bit of summer. I feel like I have nothing important to do and Tom keeps reminding me that I'm growing a baby, staying healthy, cleaning, and making lunch and dinner most days. Yes I have a full list of things to do but, and maybe it's the pregnancy hormones, I have been feeling a bit down. I'm ready for baby to come, I'm ready (well as ready as one can be) to enter into the next phase of life where I know there will be months of sleep deprivation, dirty diapers and feedings. But I'm ready to start it. I'm ready for Cal Poly to come back and to start this new year. I was doing so good on being patient.... until yesterday! I definitely need prayers in that department. I know baby will come in God's time, but waiting for him is tough! In the meantime I am just here, doing chores.... and growing a baby

Rejoice In What God Has Given

Two weeks ago my family faced a heartbreaking event. My cousin's two year old died in his sleep. He had a brother one year older and an identical twin. They are still trying to determine cause. My family is split, some believe in God and others do not. This particular part of the family does not. My heart aches for them, the pain they are going through and little comfort. The memorial had many references to God and they even read some bible passages. There is so much hope in God, no one can deny it. I have been praying for God to comfort them, for them to fully experience His love.

This has brought up a fear that I have occasionally of losing my own child. My mom told me once there is nothing worse then to lose a child. My mom suffered three miscarriages. And I remember the day we went to my grandparents house to tell them that their oldest son had died. No matter the age, it's never easy. It hurts to love, especially when those we love don't know God. I am scared of this but then God started showing me how I am blessed right now. If I do lose my baby, I will be devastated without a doubt but I hope I will also rejoice in the time I have had with him. Feeling him kick has been such an amazing experience. Waking up in the middle of the night and feeling him move. Getting to pray for him, over him and his life and those he will come in contact with.

Pregnancy is such a blessing and I keep thanking God for the gift of feeling him kick. I'm already sad about the day that I will no longer hold him inside of me, safe and close. I look forward to holding him in my arms and getting to see his personality develop but I also know there will be hard and sad times. That he will get hurt, that he will cry, and I will hurt and cry with him. I can't believe how fast this pregnancy has gone. I have about 5 weeks (give or take) left. I want to rush forward to meet him but also linger here enjoying him just as he is.

And going back to my cousin's son. I think of God's timing. I don't know why He took home that little boy, and I know the family will hurt a long time. But I look at the small blessings within it. It was the day after my family baby shower which meant lots of our family was around to be with the family during their hard time. My cousin's brother was not suppose to be in town but from a series of odd circumstances he was able to be here with her. And for him to be down was a blessing for him too, he is such a family guy and loves kids, he is an amazing uncle and I was so glad he was with his family in the middle of all this. I'm so grateful that God had the family here to comfort them. Please pray for them though, the death of a loved one is such a process of grieving. I'm still surprised at how I respond to the death of my grandma and grandpa, which has now been 2 and 3 years. It still hurts. Keep them in your prayers and that God just pours His amazing love on them.

San Marcos Recap

I have been putting off this post because there is just so much to say that the idea of narrowing it down to a post felt daunting. I'm realizing though, the longer I wait to post more things are occurring that I would like to post about. So here goes...

I went into our San Marcos STP (summer training program) with high hopes. I was looking forward to learning ways to grow closer with God, spending focused time with students and spending time with God. I was not disappointed. The students were amazing, the program was only two weeks but they all dove in creating meaningful relationships with each other. Many of them are still in constant contact through phone calls and facebook. It was a different experience for me from our school year. At our Cal Poly Nav events there is a mixture of old Christians, new Christians and people who have yet to fully turn to God. At San Marcos it was all mature Christians who have been actively seeking God's will in their lives. It was neat to hear their stories and see where they had been and where they were heading.

Every week day the students and staff worked on campus for 3 hours, painting, cleaning etc, this was great for two reasons. One it helped keep the cost down, the two weeks cost students hardly anything. And the second is God loves when we serve others with a cheerful heart and our students got to practice this daily. There were days they were tired, when painting was not what they desired to do and yet they did, and more then just doing it they did it with cheerful hearts and to the best of their abilities. Also for dinner we rotated on who helped cook. It was a great way for staff and students to bond as we worked together to make the meal and to serve each other.

Each day a staff member discussed a different tool to help us draw closer to God, a few examples were meditation and scripture memory, studying God's word, Thanksgiving, silence and solitude. After talking about it for a bit the students then had time to go practice it. After we would get together with our groups (we had a small group for the two weeks) and discussed how it went. Was it hard? What did you learn about yourself in this? Do you see how God can use it to draw you closer to Him? How will you be able to use this practice in the future?

What I loved about how it was set up was it wasnt a ton of information thrown at the staff and students and then send them home. The time that we got to practice it was amazing! One of those days was silence and solitude, this was one of the hardest ones for staff and students. For an hour and a half we had to go to a place with nothing, I mean nothing. No bible, no music, avoiding visual distractions as much as possible. Tom, for example went into an empty closet and shut the door. Then we just talked to God. After we talked about where our minds where distracted. We talked about how it's hard for us to be in silence, we are so use to distractions. One of out students ended up falling asleep for most of the time. From a worldly grading type view many of our times could be considered failures. But we talked about how God just loves when we show up, He loves that we are trying, that we desire Him. And many of us learned things about ourselves. How we rely on distractions and noises to avoid the silence. How some of us are afraid of silence. And we brought these things before God.

I wish I could talk about all the discussions our group had. Tom and I were the leaders of a small group of boys and girls. Two times a week we had group time to check in and see how it was going, to talk about how to continue using these practices at home and what things would be hindrances when we get home to keeping us from it. The discussions were so great, and in two short weeks I saw our students grow and blossom. They are such amazing people!

It was a really cool STP, it was a smaller size but I think that's why the group bonded so well. If a few were going swimming they would invite everyone. There were games of Werewolf and Four on a couch almost every night. And when the time came to say goodbye there were hugs, exchanging of phone numbers and prayers for each other. There was so many awesome things God did in the students and the staff, Tom and I really hope we get to be a part of it again next year!

Below is a picture of our girls being silly

And here's one of the boys

This is a group photo, one Saturday we helped serve food at a wedding for 750 people! It was a long crazy day but it was a blast!

STP San Marcos

Tomorrow we leave for our STP (summer training program). It will be at Cal State San Marcos (5 hours south of home), we will be staying in the student apartments there. Think of it like summer camp for college students. Tom and I are helping lead and the focus is on growing intimacy with God. There will be topics like the word of God, prayer, meditation, etc. there will be a lecture on what they are, why they are important and how to do it then there is time for the students to do it. Later that day they can come back to their group and share how it went. We are so excited to be a part of it! We have two students (one girl, one boy) from Cal Poly going with us, both of whom will be sticking around SLO after so it will be a great kick off to our summer together.

As much as I am looking forward to it, there is also the part of me that doesn't like to be away from home for that long. We will be gone for over two weeks! So keep me in your prayers for that and also for energy. The last few days I have just felt uncomfortable as my tummy keeps expanding and sleeping has been affected. And baby sure seems to think that night time is play time, whenever I wake up at night and in the morning he is kicking and moving like crazy! It's always the best time to feel him but sometimes that means I get so excited about him moving that I can't get back to sleep! Lol but it's a good problem to have!

Please Pray:
-Safe travels on our way down there
-That baby continues to be healthy and grow
-For some good sleep
-and most importantly pray for the students and all of us on staff that we just get to enjoy this time with God and learn more ways to experience Him!

Summer Excitment

I love how God, like a good friend, encourages us when we are down. I had been feeling anxious about what next year would look like. Baby boy is due right when school starts and I keep thinking, if only he was a month earlier I would be so much more ready to get back on campus. I have been feeling like everyone will be starting and I will fall behind. But then God encouraged me one morning and made me so excited for next year and this summer. I realized that I will have for sure 1 girl around this summer that I can pour into and maybe even two. Both will be around next year, both have cars which will make meeting up with a baby so much easier. Both are really cool women who desire to know God more.

I went from being anxious about the start of the school year to really excited because it won't be picking up everything with a baby, it will be continuing with the girl(s) I meet with this summer and that has me so excited! I also told them both about my idea for a knitting night and both are interested in participating.

Currently both are on the fence about the Summer Training Program Tom and I are helping lead because of work, so I am praying that if God wants them there it works out. It would be a great kickoff to a summer together but God knows better than I do what is good. Any prayers you send my way for the STP (Summer Training Program) will be much appreciated as well. We just got home from our week long Summit and our STP is in three weeks. I'm a total homebody and then there's always the headache of getting someone to watch cats (thanks mom) and water the plants. And for this STP it's exciting because we will have our own kitchen which will be super nice but also means we need to pack pots and pans (and who knows what else) which is just more to remember.

But even with having been gone so much and all the hassles that come with travel I am really looking forward to the STP. The topic is Inner Transformation which is focusing on intimacy with God. From my understanding we will discuss different spiritual practices (praying, meditating, etc) and then we will have time to just go be with God and do what we talked/learned about.

The first week we are there I will hit 7 months! I can't believe I'm 6 months already! A few nights before hitting the 6 month mark Tom finally got to feel baby kick. It wasn't one of the big ones but he did feel baby so it was neat. I can't believe how much more I feel him move the last two weeks! It's so neat! And I had my doctor checkup yesterday and everything looks good! I've got so much to look forward to this summer!

I am self-sufficient in Christ's sufficiency

Last night our girls bible study finished up Philippians. The way we have been looking at it is we print up two translations of the same passage, and then read both translations. Then we talk about the passage, themes, things we liked, things we didn't, things that confused us. It's really good for a group that doesn't have time to study and read on there own or if you usually have new people drop in because they won't feel odd by not having read the passage, there is no homework so it's easy to just stop by and enjoy.

By looking at both translations sometimes things can become more clear or just strike us more. I have heard Philippians 4:13 many times "I can do all things through Him who strengthens me" (NASB) but one of our student brought to my notice the Amplified version

"I have strength for all things in Christ Who empowers me [I am ready for anything and equal to anything through Him Who infuses inner strength into me; I am self-sufficient in Christ's sufficiency]." Philippians 4:13

What I love about bible studies is I can read something and really not see it until someone else brings it up. I read this verse and didn't find anything that interested me, then one of the girls pointed out the last bit "I am self-sufficient in Christ's sufficiency". Self-sufficient, especially to an american, means on my own, not being dependent, my own person. And yet here Paul says what makes him able to survive without the help of others is through Christ. We discussed this verse for awhile and I have kept thinking about it ever since. It's so out of our normal mindset and yet totally is what the Christian walk is all about. I am only enough with Christ. My flesh is sinful, I always fall short of God's glory, on my own works I am not good enough to even look in God's direction. Yet because of Jesus and His gift, I can have daily interactions with the God of the universe. I am enough because Christ was enough for all of us!

This self-sufficient yet dependent on Christ's sufficiency reminds me of the discussion of freedom in Christ. The fact that we are all slaves to something but to be a slave to the flesh is to serve a harsh master while to be a slave to Christ really gives us the most freedom. I feel that again with this verse, we all like to think we are self-sufficient and yet how many of us could actually survive without others? And without complaining? Earlier in Philippians Paul talks about how he is content whether he is rich or poor, whether he is full or starving. Paul is satisfied with Christ, he has what he needs in Christ. It's humbling when I think of how dissatisfied I get when I can't eat a favorite food, I'm not even starving.

Moments like that make me so excited that I get to study the bible with others. I skimmed right over that line, didn't give it a second thought. The week after next we are going to start on Acts, and no we have no hopes of making it through by the end of the quarter. But I'm definitely excited about it.

Our campus is part of what the Navigators call the Sunland Region (California, Hawaii and Arizona). The EDGErs (first and second year in training Navigators) that can meet about once a month to do a study called Route 66. It's an overview of the entire bible (66 because there are 66 books in the bible). Two different people lead each time, Tom and I lead for the prophecy section and the one next week we are leading again, this time it's Acts. I have enjoyed studying it the last few weeks and when trying to decide what to study next for our girls bible study, I realized I wouldn't mind starting again on it and getting to read it with friends.

So I have been praying about it, I had been wanting to do something in the OT because I have really been enjoying that but I feel like part of the reason I am able to enjoy it so much is I know the NT well enough to see the connections and I am so excited seeing how God is still the same, His heart and His plan are still the same. But if I did the bible study with the girls those connections they probably wouldn't see on their own and I feel it is so much more powerful when you find those connections on your own then someone just pointing them out. Though both experiences are exciting.

Spring into Action

This week is Cal Poly's first week back for the Spring quarter. Last week (Cal Poly's spring break) was a low key week, just meeting with students and friends. This week felt like jumping into a rushing river. Our campus directors had taken last quarter "off", they spent it on a trip to New Zealand getting details hammered out for the summer trip they are leading, leading a retreat and attending a conference to name a few things. We say they were "off" because the rest of us staff told them to let go of student events and focus on everything else they had going on, which meant staff meetings last quarter were much more low key and instead of staff development we did extended staff prayer. This week it was all back on.

Today was 5 hours of staff catching up, working on schedules, discussing what we hoped for this quarter and more. Last quarter ended a bit chaotic, we did a fun event at our place instead of our normal Gathering for finals week. Before it started, as I cleaned and made treats Tom got a call from a student; one of our student friends, during a fun study break danced around flinging his arms and hit his finger on a light, shattering the light and cutting the tendon in his finger. Instead of his final that night he was at the hospital getting surgery. Tom went in to say hi before it went down. After this the students started showing up and come to find out a freshman guy of ours got engaged, a shock needless to say. Our heads were spinning.

Then during spring break, another student friend of ours had attempted switching majors and was declined. He has since decided to go home and start applying to other schools with that major. We are all sad to see him go, he is really an awesome guy with some really cool insights into the bible. We hope to keep the friendship going. Tom and I had been blessed to meet his family before and so when his dad came down today to pack him up and drive him home we got to have dinner with them and say goodbye. They are such an awesome family! They blessed us to by giving us an adorable baby onesie that says "Happy Camper @ Mount Hermon" and a cute little cross. They live at Mount Hermon and when Tom and I took a vacation there (hurray for pastors discounts!) in December is when we got to have dinner with them at their home.

Today I also got to hang out with a freshman friend who is back. We went to Avila, got treats, walked on the beach and swung on the swings. It was fun to catch up and this quarter she will be able to attend both our weekly Gathering and our Girls Bible Study which I think will be so awesome for her, she is such a friendly and fun girl!

Tomorrow is another busy day, an old high school friend will be in town so I will be having dinner with her before our first Girls bible study which I'm really looking forward to, it's been at least a year since we hung out.

Last night was our first Gathering back as well, it went really well. The home we normally meet at is undergoing some remodeling so until that is finished we are meeting at another older couple's home (mid 70's). The guy, Larry has been involved with Navigators SLO for a number of years and last year he married a wonderful lady Kay who has enthusiastically joined in. They have been coming to the Gathering and willingly offered their home whenever there was need. We are so thankful for people who are willing to open their homes, it's so awesome and makes the Gathering feel so much more comfortable then being in some formal setting.

I don't want to make this into a pregnancy blog but it's really just so exciting, I'm 4 1/2 months and I'm 99% sure I have been feeling the baby move. It's the weirdest feeling and so crazy, I still have moments where I completely forget about being pregnant. My tummy has doubled in size over the last week though even though I have only gained 2 pounds since my first doctors appointment, which seems crazy because I look as if I have gained at least 10. Nearing in on those maternity pants, won't be too much longer. Both our mom's want a girl, Tom's mom had twin boys and my mom already has a grandson, Joseph. Tom and I both hope for a boy, I like the idea of the big brother. Though I know a girl will be fun with all the cute clothes. It's so hard I just want to go out and register and start putting the nursery together. I love organizing and planning. Whenever the urge gets to strong I start working on my knitting projects for baby and that helps some. There are so many things I want to make for our baby but I doubt I will have time for it all.

13 Weeks

First belly picture: 13 weeks

13 weeks!?!?! This is my last week of month three and the end of the first trimester. Next Thursday I am officially in the second trimester of my pregnancy. This is both exciting and kind of overwhelming. I'm very excited about becoming a parent, I think currently my biggest fear is the money part. Already expenses have popped up that I never thought of like vitamins and maternity clothes (thank goodness for hand-me-downs). And as my friend and I shopped around Target, she filled the cart with diapers.... ok I know part of baby raising requires diaper changing but I never actually thought about the amount you go through and the cost!

This summer we need to fundraising which feels overwhelming but God's timing is perfect, if it was during the school year we would be hard pressed for time. And also we found out early enough so that we are not doing a overseas summer program. We are so excited though because with this pregnancy happening when it did we were able to look at local alternatives for the summer and found a two week Summer Training Program which students come to. It's right at the beginning of summer which is perfect for me since I will be getting large and also fits around fundraising and we also hope to help with Vacation Bible study at our local church.

The only bummer is my due date is right at the beginning of the school year and I heard the first month you don't want to take the baby out because you don't want to expose them to germs. So it will be hard to not be involved. My mom has offered to stay with us in the beginning and depending on how I feel I'm hoping I can leave baby with her and at least attend the weekly Gathering. Tom thinks the baby will be early but it's in God's hands and I know He has a plan for us.

Today I started Ezekiel, I have never read it completely, just verses here and there. So far I'm really enjoying it. I love reading about the Holy Spirit in the Old Testament. I think we are so spoiled now, we are so use to having the Holy Spirit in us that we forget before Jesus the Holy Spirit would only be "given" to certain people for certain times. We are so blessed by this gift.

I'm enjoying this Saturday, Tom is helping friends move and I am lounging around the house. I enjoy days when my to-do list is less than 5 items. And one of them is baking some yummy treats for my brothers birthday. His birthday was Wednesday but we are having a birthday BBQ tomorrow for him. He is so hard to buy for because the only things he wants are usually expensive like a cow. But like me, he loves food so I figured since we can't really afford anything he would really want, I'm sure he will enjoy yummy treats instead. I'm planning on making cream cheese brownie bites and depending on time and if I have enough chocolate maybe some homemade fudge too.

Joseph

My nephew, Joseph is 6. When he saw the ultrasound he told my mom it was a girl and her name was silly girl. He came back later and said it was actually a boy. On the way to my house he told my mom

"we are going to see my brother"

"your brother?"

".... oh my cousin"

once at my house he walked into our extra room, looked around with hopeful confusion and asked if I had the baby yet. I told him that once he starts 1st grade then his cousin would come. Today his mom sent me the following text

"Joseph says he is so excited to go to the big grade because then he gets to have his baby cousin"

Joseph is so cute! I can't wait to see him be a big cousin, we have already been talking to him about how the baby won't want to do anything for a long time but I'm not sure how much of that is sinking in. He also has the mixed blessing of being a ranch kid and has seen animals give birth and seen babies so I can only imagine what he is thinking. When we told him he just looked at me for a long time. He is going to be such a great big cousin, I can't wait to see him step into that roll. I'm so blessed that I get to live close and see him as much as I do.

Love these boys

Pregnancy Dinner

This week is dead week for Cal Poly, this means the week before finals and at this quarter school it usually means you don't see the students since they are all studying like crazy. This was also our last weekly Gathering for the quarter. Next week is finals week and if you thought everyone disappeared during dead week they are completely missing this week. And generally, since they get a week off for spring break following, they are heading home as soon as they finish.

For this final meeting I made dinner, and since I was making dinner I decided to make what I want. Generally students are cooking so it's a one dish, two at most meal. Well apparently my combination was odd, and as per usual when I cook, I made enough for an army. I made BBQ meatballs, macaroni salad, spinach salad (very important when your prego) and rolls. I also had apple sauce but when Tom saw all I was bringing he teased me and said we could leave the applesauce at home. Which seemed like an incomplete meal to me. I texted Leah (other Nav staff) and she brought some for us. Now I have to jars in my pantry but I'm ok with that.

It's crazy that spring break is almost here! And immediately following that is spring quarter. I'm really looking forward to this quarter. One of our students is a cheerleader and they won't be cheering during spring so selfishly I look forward to hanging out with her and getting to know her more. She is really cool and I have enjoyed getting to know her. And that goes for all the girls, we will continue our girls bible study and those girls have just been so awesome! I feel so lucky to be getting to know them. This week was the first time someone asked to touch my stomach lol. It's not too impressive now but it's been fun. Leah has been taking pictures every time I see her but I'm generally sitting down so it more just is my shirt than anything. I start 13 weeks tomorrow and I think I will start doing pictures then so I can look back and see the growth. I can't believe how big I feel already, I think a lot of it's mental but my tummy is already a lot firmer then before.

Next week is our next doctors appointment and we will get to hear the heartbeat for the first time, I'm so excited! Tom is too, I'm really glad he is so excited about this pregnancy, it's been fun to experience it together.

I'm curious to see how the cats handle it when we bring home a screaming bundle. They still growl at the vacuum even though they see it weekly, you would think they would get over it. And speaking of cats, there is a neighbor cat that is super friendly, he always comes and says hi when we are coming and going. The other day we came home and he was sleeping on our welcome mat. The other day I was having some time with God at the table and I look up and I see him walking along our porch railing (we are on the second floor), he then sat on our porch, looking at me with begging eyes wanting to be pet. Lupin and Lily kept a close eye on him and Lupin went between meowing, purring and close to what I would call yowling, he had mixed emotions.

Here is our visitor

Don't know if it's a boy or girl, guess I should think of a gender free name to call him. Any ideas? Very cool cat though, next cat I get I'm getting this type, totally chill, friendly but not as chatty as the cats I generally pick out (love you Lupin)

Student Conference

I mentioned that I would post about the student conference and so I shall. I apologize for the tardiness of it. So a few weeks ago we left Friday morning for a whole day drive down to Pine Valley California with 8 students from Cal Poly SLO Navigators. This spring conference had about 300 students and staff from Arizona, California and Hawaii (the Sunland region).

We were so excited as staff because of the great response from students to go. There had been a weekend trip during the Fall semester and only one student was able to go. I have to say I am not a fan of quarter schools, it's insanity and students have no time to do anything fun, I feel bad for them and am grateful I didn't have to endure that stress.

The SLO Group

Eric and Tom being silly

For our girls, very few have been able to attend our weekly Gathering and right around the time of the conference we started up a girls bible study on a night that amazingly (praise God) most the girls were free. So while the guys had been bonding over disc golf, fixed gear bikes and hacky sack our girls hardly knew each other. We were looking forward to the conference to hopefully bond the girls some and it did!

The Girls

The lady staff - (Leah, Deb and Nicole)

We had three freshman girls, one sophomore and one junior, we worried that the junior would feel alone but this was not the case, she stepped up and really took the other girls under her wing. In fact, at the bible study following the conference one of the girls was talking about something hard she was going through and this junior asked if she could pray for her. I was so excited because one of us staff could have done it but I think it really bonded them more and has really showed how they are feeling more like a community. The students need each other.

At the conference we heard some speakers and had some choices of workshops. The talks were good but what was best was the conversations students and staff had after. I think we came back from this conference feeling much closer. And though I wasn't too excited about the long drive I think there was some awesome stuff that came out of it.

Cal Poly's spring break is coming up soon which is hard because it's a month apart from Cuesta's so our only spring break options really needs to be the weekend so we can include all our students. There wasn't really any service projects out there and we knew we could create one but with it being such an insane semester (and our desire for the students to continue to bond together) we are talking about doing a fun trip to Disneyland instead! We are currently checking students plans but I think we will have enough interest to go. And since we are considered Southern California (weird I know) we can do the twofer tickets (one day at D-land and one at CA-land for the price of one).

I can't believe Poly's quarter is almost done! Next quarter we are continuing our girls bible study but I need to decide what we are studying. I feel anxious about it as I have never lead a study and am not really sure what is good. The other staff leading it with me unfortunately won't be around most of the next quarter so it's mostly up to me but also, since she is still a leader, not just taking charge and doing it my way. I am trying to discern a balance and need to start praying for God to show me where we should go next with the girls.

God's Presence

2010 started with two women's conferences for me and there was many good things from both but one thing I noticed is so often on busy days I get into bed and realize I hadn't spent any time with God and hardly even talked to Him. I felt bummed by this and disappointed on what I was missing out. My schedule has been hectic these past two months and thinking of trying to "schedule" more time seemed daunting.

This is when God reminded me He is with me all day. There is never a moment that I am not spending with Him, I just need to be more aware of His presence. It has been a cool realization and something I know that will be growing for many years to come. God first brought to mind the image of blood, I don't see my blood very often but it's what helps me function throughout the day. God is with me, He is inside me, growing me, encouraging me, directing me. I feel so blessed by that!

Two weekends ago we were at the Sunland (our region with the Navigators) Student conference (I still plan on posting an update about this) and our Campus Director Mark spoke. Prior to this we had talked with him about being pregnant, how we know it's real, but it doesn't feel real. How the first doctors appointment made it seem more so and each step makes it more and more. Being a parent himself, Mark said that the reality slowly settles in until the baby comes out and the reality becomes whole. In his talk he mentioned that. How things can be real to our minds but when it becomes real to our hearts that is when the change happens. Days when the pregnancy feels real, I start praying for my baby, I start planning the baby room, I start discussing parenting ideas with God. But other days I will go and then when someone makes a comment about me being pregnant it feels surprising, in my mind I have to try to wrap my mind around that fact that in less then 7 months I will be holding my baby.

Since being pregnant my sleep has been off, I often wake in the middle of the night to find a more comfortable position (thought this wouldn't happen till I was big). And one night as I lay there I prayed about my baby, how weird it was that there was this life inside me that I couldn't see, but has already affected my life so much. God again brought to my mind the fact that like that baby I couldn't see He is always present with me. Made me so joyous! I can't wait to share with my child the cool things God is teaching me at this time. I still am so far away from being aware of God's presence but I feel like He has extended me so much grace and hates for me to feel guilty, I just don't want to miss out on that time with Him. And I just love how God uses the things so present and current in our lives to teach us such wonderful things about His character!

Baby Nelson

Had our first ultrasound today! Doctor says the baby looks good, and the due date is still September 15, 2010. YEAH! We got to see the heartbeat and baby even did a little dance for us. We were surprised how much it looks like a baby and how much he was moving around. On April 29 we will get to have our second ultrasound and find out the sex of baby Nelson.

We are so excited! We are parents! :D

Found on our doorstep

Last week baby (see last post) was the size of a kumquat. One morning Tom walked out our front door to find this..... our good friend and coworker had left it on our doorstep in the middle of the night. We knew who it was immediately because, well who else would? Next time we will tell her the baby is the size of a nano ipod ;)

Big News

One month and a day ago, I took the pregnancy, pee on a stick, test and it came back pregnant! We were (and are) a bit surprised but also extremely excited and feel so blessed by God. The first few weeks were scary as I know my mom suffered many miscarriages but due to summer plans we had to let staff know and so we also told our family. It was fun to see them be so excited and after my first doctors appointment last week I am feeling much more excited as well.

Today starts my week 11 which seems kind of crazy, tomorrow I get my first ultrasound and I am really excited about that. I have been lucky on the morning sickness, just some nausea, in the beginning I had some in the afternoon too but I have been really trying to have little snacks throughout the day so I never have an empty stomach which helps.

The pregnancy symptoms I have been experiencing is pinching inside my stomach from everything growing and stretching. Some days feeling extremely exhausted, yesterday I just laid in bed for three hours, too tired to do anything and today I feel pretty tired to. I also, due to hormone levels and chemical changes, have been short of breath. I sigh over and over trying to get air which I think has been what has been making me tired more than anything. Also I have been extremely emotional. When I see something mildly sad or sometimes even just really happy and good I feel tears welling up, it's kind of funny because it can be the smallest thing.

Our friends and family has been so supportive, our parents are so excited, my dad has been telling everyone. This will be Tom's parents first grandchild and they are really excited. 9 months seems so fast, and I know when I am big and uncomfortable I will be glad for that but right now it seems a little crazy.

The nice thing is I will have most the summer to plan and get ready. Obviously with this I won't be doing the oversees missions trip. I'm hoping to do some local stuff, the last 4 years or so I have helped with our church's Vacation Bible school so I am excited that this year I will be around for set up, actual event and the clean up phases. I'm also hoping to get to help out with my nephew, driving him around to whatever camps he is in and just spending some good time with him.

This is a very me focused post, my mom said to enjoy the attention now because once the baby comes it's no longer about me lol, I can't wait! It's so exciting and being a mom is something I have always looked forward to. And I am so crazy blessed to have such an amazing husband. He has been awesome wanting to step into a dad role and help me as much as he can. He came to the first doctors appointment which I told him he didn't need to be at that one because it was mainly just talking. He has also been awesome on reminding me to take my prenatal pills, making sure I'm drinking enough water and eating well. This might drive some women crazy but I love the he just so much desires to be a part and help in whatever way he can. Today he asked me what he could do for me today, I said I would love if he would make dinner and he immediately accepted. I know I'm gushing but I have such a wonderful husband, and he is going to make such an amazing dad! And all our family, our kid is going to be so spoiled with amazing grandparents and uncles and all the extended family! We are so blessed to have such support around us! Thank you God for amazing family and friends!

Husband's birthday

Today is my husbands 27th birthday, and yes it is also Valentines day. I thank God for my wonderful husband, we have been married about 2 and a half year, and each year brings more joy and love.

Poor Tom has been a bit under the weather and is currently taking a nap. I hope he feels better soon. Tomorrow night we are going to his favorite restaurant Del's (and nope that's not my dad, it's an Italian place in Shell Beach) and I want him to fully enjoy it. Since he is a twin, he shares a birthday with his brother. Below is a picture of Tom and Tim at our wedding.

Thank you Lord for giving me such a wonderful husband!

Rainy Days

It has been quite a week. Good, but busy. While at our Nav's women retreat Barb found out that Mark's dad passed away (Mark and Barb are the campus directors). They left all week to be with family. The day after we got back Leah's (second year Edge staff) grandma passed away so she has been gone all week too. Which left Deb, Tom and me. Tom picked up leading the weekly Gathering, he had done it before so not that big a deal and then I lead the girls bible study which was planned but it was unexpected to be alone there.

I actually wasn't that nervous leading up to it. The type study we are doing is much more conversational with the group providing content rather then me teaching. We have been having a good turn out and the students were pretty open to sharing. I definitely look forward to getting to know the girls more.

Friday mornings is SALT which is our student leadership group. We found out Friday morning that this week only one student would be able to make it and with the rest of the staff still out of town we decided to cancel. A main focus this quarter is about building community and really trusting one another. So suddenly we had most our morning free. Friday's are generally pretty light anyway and then with the rain and students in the midst of midterms it was a pretty lazy day.

Today I started a new knitting project, I enjoy knitting so much. I just wish I could find a group or get one going so that I can hang out with people, share ideas and have time that is just scheduled for knitting and socializing with friends. I love knitting but generally end up watching tv while I do it. I really like the knitting site www.raverly.com there are so many cool patterns and sometimes it's fun to just check out ideas.

Tomorrow we are going to church, I am so excited, I have been out of town the last two weekends. Then dinner with the family, then on to Super Bowl at a friends. My friend and I plan on working on a puzzle (and any other girls who are interested), eating and watching some of the commercials. I am glad I have a friend who enjoys Super Bowl the same way I do. So all in all going to be a good weekend :O)

January Smanuary

Currently I am sitting in a Starbucks down in the LA area, waiting for my second womans retreat this month to get started. January has flown by but there have been some awesome things happening.

Last weekend I joined my mom and her church in Monterey for a women's retreat. It was fun just hanging out with her and relaxing. This weekend it's with the Navigators which won't be as relaxing but I'm sure it will be fun.

We are already bout halfway for the Winter quarter. Students are finishing up on midterms and I can't believe how fast it's gone. I have started meeting with Deb (Nav staff) and two students at different times throughout the week. Right now I'm observing Deb but eventually she wants me to slowly start taking over with these girls. They are both such cool women, I'm really excited. One is a Junior and the other is a Freshman and they both have awesome hearts. I just meet the Freshman and it was so reminiscent of my time in college, the struggles she is going through and the desires of her heart.

Leah (Nav edger) and I also started a girls bible study on Thursday nights. For most of the girls they have class and have been unable to come to the weekly Gathering. We started asking what day would work and we were amazed when they all responded with Thursday night. We jumped on it and last night Leah led the second meeting. I unfortunately couldn't be there since Tom and I had to be down in LA for some first year Navigator training.

This quarter has been immensely busy and I'm still trying to determine what are the things to keep and the things that can be dropped from my schedule. Next month we have a conference called the Truth conference and so far have had a decent sign up. Getting some girls to go which I'm really excited to get to know them more and for them to get to know each other as well.

There has also been lots of discussions for our summer plans with staff. We are still undecided but we are getting closer. Our campus Director Mark is leading a 5 week trip to New Zealand. It's an interesting place and for him, he sees it as a place for us to really learn and share ideas. Many are saying New Zealand is what America will be soon. A very small Christian population that has a very hard time reaching people. The people are generally apathetic toward religions and churches are small and few. It's an exciting door Mark is hoping to open with the long term view. Mark and his wife Barb are going in March for a week to get a better idea of what this summer would look like and if their family could go for the whole time or maybe part.

The weddings are starting to pile up for this fall as well. We already have 4, only one with a set date so we have our fingers crossed that none overlap as they are all close friends and would hate to miss any of them. We are at that age where our lives are filled with weddings and pregnancies. We have two friends both due on the same day in July, I'm so excited for them, how fun to be in the same stages together! Our close friends Mike and Merry's little girl Joy is growing up so quick, she is 7 months and already has two teeth! We are blessed to be her godparents and we love getting to see her and watch her grow up. My cousin Melanie's little boy is closing in on two months! It seems like she was just pregnant yesterday! And she is such a wonderful and happy mother. Their family is adorable! I'm just so excited for our friends, such a neat time right now and I love getting to be a part of it with them!

Girls Night

Our Tuesday night Gathering continues to be more and more male. The girls in our group have unfortunately been needing to take classes that time or work. Some of the girls involved with Navs have been pretty busy and overcommitted and for some reason Tuesday is a hard night to make. We had talked last semester about starting a girls group, not only in hopes of picking a better night but for building community.

The guys all play disc golf, many bike so there are many common interests and they have really been bonding. It has been awesome, God is good! But the girls seem to have been getting lost among the boys. We decided to start seeing if there was an interest and so far everyone we have talked to has been excited and Thursday night seems to really work well. So keep this in your prayers, we don't want to do anything unless God is leading it. I'm definitely hopeful and excited, I really look forward to getting to know the Nav women more.

Also keep me in your prayers, the next two weekends I have women's retreats (one with a church, one with Sunland Nav staff) which I know are going to be so fun but I also know those things really wear me out. It's also weird but now, even if I am home, when I am not with Tom I am homesick. It's so weird. The things that change when you are married are definitely not what you expect.

Oh and it rained all day today (no flooding in our new place!) and we are suppose to have rain the next few days, I am so excited. There is just something about rain. I wish we had more wood for the fireplace, might have to go out and find some. Haven't had a real shopping trip in a few weeks. My parents help out with groceries which is awesome but also means I have to drive to Cambria. Since my grandparents do it weekly I have been going with them but that also includes lunch. It has been great having that time with them but it does take up a lot of the day. My grandma just cracks me up, I have always loved spending time with her, I'm so blessed they have always been close by.

Part of our training for Navigators is reading through the bible in a year (started middle of last year). It has been cool reading parts of the bible I was unfamiliar with and finding really sweet passages. I'm currently in Isaiah and here is a verse I came across the other day and really liked

Isaiah 26:8 (NASB) "Indeed, while following the way of Your judgements, O Lord, we have waited for You eagerly; Your name, even Your memory, is the desire of our souls."

A letter to my cousin

My cousin sent me a message asking about the first Gathering this quarter and figured it would be a good update on here too, so this is just cut and pasted from my response to her. Sorry for my laziness but it works :)

The first Gathering went pretty well. It was a bit smaller since it was the first week back that's not to uncommon with everyone adjusting to their new schedules. We did have two new people, one is a guy, who in his own words was walking away from God until a week ago and God presented Himself in a way that can't be ignored. He had some contact with Mark (our campus director) already and he is really excited to have us as a community since Satan is definitely attacking this choice. This one girl had asked me if we could hang out sometime so we have been trying to find a time which has been hard but I'm excited that she is really open to it. It was a bit disjointed, Mark's strong suit is big picture and not so much details which has been difficult for me since I am totally into details and recently in a job where that was a huge part of it. So today we were meeting with Mark and Barb (his wife) and they asked me to pray about taking over administrative stuff for the Navs. It was something I had been thinking about but was unsure how to bring up so I am still praying about it but I'm already getting excited. Especially last semester it was hard because I felt like I didn't have anything to bring to the table and felt non purposeful. Right now we are in the midst of training and I really didn't feel like any of my talents were being used. I know this semester has a lot of traveling still but I am excited to start doing some things that I can feel like I am contributing more. It will make the things I cannot contribute to yet be easier to handle. So be praying that next week more students will be able to come, if it's God's will that their schedules work out. That we continue to get to know the the students. That the guy who just turned back to God that the people in his life help him to know God more even if it's not easy. Also as staff we are trying to figure out what we will be doing this summer. Mark is taking a group to New Zealand and due to a wedding if we were able to go at all it would be late. There are some other ministry possibilities both local and in other countries so we are not sure where God wants to take us for that. So prayers for our decisions and also students thinking about joining the New Zealand trip.

Mess ups with God's grace

I think that is one of the scariest things for me going into ministry is realizing that students are going to learn more from me when I screw up and have to turn to God, and how I deal with my failures then when I am leading a bible study that I am prepared for. The girls will be watching when Tom does something that frustrates me and will see when I act out of my own selfishness or when it's out of love. And the times I screw up, I have to let them see me be corrected. That is scary.

When I look back on my college experience there was a girl with a college ministry and she did make some mistakes when it comes to advising me. Some choices she made were made from her desires and not what God was advising. But I cannot be angry with her because I see how God used that. He had given me the answer and yet I still went to her seeking advice. I had to trust Him even though she had told me to handle a situation differently. And since I was doing it because He told me and not her it made the hard stuff after easier to handle because I know it was what God had led me to.

My college ministry experience wasn't bad but there were mistakes made but looking back I see how they were necessary because they are a part of my decision to do college ministry and to do it in the form we do. There are so many forms of ministry and different ones work for different people.

I have mentioned before that we are blessed by the Crusade ministry on our campus. We know the leaders and we know their hearts for God and we are so excited and encouraged to see their ministry. They have hundreds of people show up every week. We could be discouraged since our ministry ranges anywhere from 15-30 but we are not because we realize God is present in both these ministries and doing different things in each. So as you pray for us please pray for the other college ministries on campus. Not only is there Crusade but also Intervarsity and Chinese Christian Fellowship. There is also a Christian woman sorority. There might me more than that too.

So one of the scariest prayers I have had is that God use to me to love His children here, that when I get it right and when I screw it up that His hand be over it. If my mistake will lead someone to more growth and trust in God then so be it. And I continue to thank God for the people in my life who knowingly and unknowingly brought me closer to Him.

Cal Poly up and running

Cal Poly started back up yesterday and tonight our Gathering starts back up. The Gathering is our weekly meeting with students. A local doctor and his family weekly open their home and living room to us. Someone brings a meal and we all eat together and catch up. After that if someone brought a guitar we sing some songs but if not then we jump right into our discussion. This year we have been reading through John. For those of us who have read it before we are challenged to see it as if we never have before. This can be tough but it's really cool to discuss things. Also there are things you just assume you understand and it's been amazing to really talk about things.

The blessing of serving Navs on the Cal Poly campus is Campus Crusade has the largest ministry in the nation at Poly. Which means Christians have a place to go and we have the blessing to focus on non Christians. Not to say we don't have Christians, we do. But we ask a lot of them, the Christians in our groups are called to be leaders. To forget the Sunday school, comfortable answers, sometimes just being silent and hearing their non Christian peers. We request that they live with non Christians. Because if we as Christians only live with Christians how we ever impact others lives?

I feel like Christmas break flew by, being sick didn't help. I hope I am prepared for this next quarter. When we started the Navs we didn't know our training would require so much traveling so it has been hard to get traction with the girls. Also most of the girls have already been meeting with the other staff for awhile. There is one new girl student and she use to be in Tom's High School ministry, she is so awesome and I am so glad I have been getting to know her. She has an amazing heart and has really enjoyed getting involved with our Nav group.

Pray for the students and us as this quarter starts. Pray for me that in the midst of all my studying and training that I find time to get to know the girls better. That Tom's relationships with the guys continue to grow and that our entire staff continues to grow together and seek God.

We are reading a book called Encouragement by Dan B. Allender and Larry Crabb and it discusses what our role as Christians is. One of the quotes is "... comfort is not my goal. God's will is" (pg. 77). It's referring specifically to difficult conversations we have with others. When it's not easy to encourage or rebuke someone else or to share our own experiences and failures. Man I want that to be true in my life! But it's scary too. I like being comfortable but we are to love others more than ourselves.

God help me love You and others more than my own comfort.

0.... 10

I cannot believe it's 2010 already, it's weird to say too. Before I would say 09 but it seems odd, though not incorrect, to say 010. But anyway today I was folding laundry in the bedroom, I grabbed one of Tom's shirts and shook it hard to get all the creases out and what not. Then Lupin (my cat) sat up and was staring at the wall behind me with his scaredy cat face. I teased him and thought it was odd since I had been shaking out shirts and it hadn't bothered him till now. I figured it must have been a reflection on the wall so I turned to see what was bugging him and there it was



yep, my sock. Maybe next time I won't forge the dryer sheet.

Thoughts/Reflections from my TAWG (Time Alone with God):

Part of our Navigator training is to learn the Topical Memory System (TMS). It's about 60 Bible verses that are good verses to start on for memorizing. It's been a challenge for me but I have enjoyed it too. Today I was going over some of the ones I have already learned and I came across a verse that was not part of the TMS but I decided to learn because I liked it so much and Tom and I have discussed a lot with each other and others when we talk about our lives and ministry.

Acts 4:13 (NASB)
Now as they observed confidence of Peter and John and understood that they were uneducated and untrained men, they were amazed, and began to recognize them as having been with Jesus.

I love this verse because Peter and John had confidence but it wasn't by their own works, they were not better trained or had higher educated then other men. The difference between them and anyone else was they had been with Jesus. Peter and John had confidence because it flowed out from them knowing Jesus intimately, spending time with Him as Jesus showed them again and again just how deep and wide his love for them went. They were confident because they knew Jesus' heart. And they only way the discovered Jesus' true character was because they spent day after day with him. They walked, they talked, the learned, they questioned, they ate together, fellowship together in times of joy and sorrow.

I think about my ministry. When I try to reach out to others on my own abilities, I might be able to help some but I am a broken person, my motives are not pure. No amount of training or discipline will change that, I just may be able to fake it better. In 2 Chronicles 12:14 (NASB) "He did evil because he did not set his heart to seek the Lord" It doesn't say he did evil because he was bad or because he desired evil. He did it because he wasn't first seeking God. God is good, His will is perfect. If we don't seek Him how will we know what is good? We may stumble upon it from time to time but we can do the right thing with completely selfish motives.

When Jesus was about to go die on the cross and leave the disciples, He told them that it was good He was leaving because when He left then the disciples would receive the Holy Spirit. John 16:7 (NASB) "But I tell you the truth, it is to your advantage that I go away; for if I do not go away the Helper will not come to you; but if I go, I will send Him to you." No longer would only a few be able to know Jesus intimately, anyone who loved God and sought His will would be filled with the Holy Spirit and be able to fellowship with Him at any place or time.

I want so badly for my confidence to flow out from a deep friendship I have with God. These last few months it has been such a blessing as I have been able to have time alone with God on an almost daily basis. The one-on-one time is great but we also much be with Him together. If you have a friend, don't you introduce them to your other friends? Or if they already know each other won't you all go out and do things together? The sweet thing about Church is it's a room full of people who love Him! We get to come together and talk about how we love Him, how He loves us. Encouraging each other to spend more time with Him and get to know Him even more!

My relationship with Jesus is so far from what I desire it to be. I hope someday that when anything happens in my life, good or bad, that He is the first one I desire to share with. That I pray without ceasing i.e. that I remember that I am in His presence constantly and therefore talk with Him as I would my best friend, that He become my best friend. I look forward to spending time with Him, to learning more about His character. It has been a sweet journey and this is only the beginning, what exciting times there are to come!

Three circles

Our campus director Mark shared about this idea of three circles, one representing "my world" meaning the Christian world. In this circle would be things like going to Church on Sunday, worshiping through song and prayer, quiet times etc. The next circle is "our world" this circle is things that both Christians and non Christians enjoy such at going out to eat, movies, reading, sports and so on. The final circle is "their world" this is things non Christians do that make Christians uncomfortable like going out to bars and parties, drinking and swearing.

So often as Christians we meet non Christians in "our world" we meet friends and interact with them here. But eventually we try to draw non Christians into "my world" we invite them to church where there is worshipping and prayer. It is a place where they are uncomfortable, they don't know what to expect and are unsure of what is expected of them.

When we look to Jesus, we more often see him going into "their world" He walked into places most Christians would be scared to. As Christians we often make others bear the burden of being uncomfortable, we invite them into "my world" where they are unfamiliar because we for us it is so normal we don't even think about helping them understand it all. But we see Jesus going to the tax collectors home, eating among men that the Jews of that day would never consider ever being friends with. As Christians we are called to love, if we love people then we should be willing to bear the burden of being uncomfortable. God is not confined to a church building, He is everywhere. We can share His love any place. And I personally feel more loved by someone when they come to me, when they serve me where I am at.

Consider it this way, my cousin recently had a new baby boy. He has been a joy and her church family contacted her and has created a meal plan where people take meals to her. What a blessing! But imagine if instead no one contacted her expecting her to ask for help if she needed it. Or if they contacted her and gave her a list of names to ask meals from, or told her to come to the church to pick them up. She wouldn't feel as served. In fact it might even end up feeling like a burden. But why? I mean people are still making meals for her. They are still serving and even loving. But the thing is they are not coming out of their comfort zones, they are expecting the new mother to come to where they are.

I recently signed up to make a meal for an older lady who just came home from the hospital. The cooking for me was a joy. I love cooking. The delivery of the food was terrifying. I am shy by nature, I worry way to much about how people view me. And my home is my safe place, it's much easier to invite someone over then to go to their home. But, with God's encouragement, I went to her home, I gave her a meal, I sat in her living room, and had a good conversation with her. She felt more loved by me coming to her home, coming out of my way to serve her and love her. Our short conversations at church could never be as personal as was the one in her living room. I took an hour of my day, was uncomfortable for awhile and then walked away feeling loved and feeling blessed.

No it's not easy. And there will be times where it will be embarrassing and maybe painful. But deep and meaningful relationships can start to grow. Most Christians you talk to will probably say their first experiences with God where not inside church walls, God didn't wait for them to show up Sunday morning, He showed His love to them where they were. Even now, most of my deepest interactions with God are at my home, or with my family, the church is wonderful but it is not our medium to God, Jesus did that and now the Holy Spirit resides in us so we can constantly be in contact with God.

I urge you, Share with people, use what God has done in your life to share, explain how you read your bible in the morning to grow closer to God, and share a question you had about the verses you read that morning. Or what you learned. Explain why we do the things we do, why we go to church and seek fellowship, why we sing and raise our hands, why we love. 1 John 4:19 "We love because He first loved us" (NASB) embrace that promise. God loves you, even if you never do another thing in your life for Him, He loves you. When Jesus was baptized God expressed His love and pride for His son.... at this time Jesus had not even started His ministry. God loves you.

The Message
1 John 4:17-21 "God is love. When we take up permanent residence in a life of love, we live in God and God lives in us. This way, love has the run of the house, becomes at home and mature in us, so that we're free of worry on Judgement Day - our standing in the world is identical with Christ's. There is no room in love for fear. Well-formed love banishes fear. Since fear is crippling, a fearful life - fear of death, fear of judgement - is one not fully formed in love. We, though, are going to love - love and be loved. First we were loved, now we love. He loved us first. If anyone boasts, "I love God," and goes right on hating his brother or sister, thinking nothing of it, he is a liar. If he won't love the person he can see, how can he love the God he can't see? The command we have from Christ is blunt: Loving God includes loving people. You've got to love both.