I'm growing a baby, what did you do today?

As of Wednesday I am considered full term. I still can't believe it! Tom has been impatiently waiting for baby to come and his excitement has rubbed off and now I'm feeling equally impatient. I just want the little guy to come! It doesn't help that last week was the end of crazy summer stuff. This week has felt much more relaxed which for me, who enjoys a schedule, has been tough. I still have a long to-do-list but it's all small errands and stuff around the house, things I'm not all that excited about doing. I wish Cal Poly was in, I keep hoping baby will come early because I really don't want to miss the first Gathering and other Navigator stuff. This summer has been so much more busy then we thought but it has been really good. I'm surprised at how much I was able to get done. The baby room is ready and turned out so much better than I thought. I keep going in there and sitting on my glider just enjoying it.

Cal Poly doesn't start until September 20. Tom's weekly guys bible study has still been going great, and he has been meeting one on one with many guys. We also have been working on fund raising. With our need went up and so we have been trying to reach out to new folks, churches and also some people who have already contacted. We have already been blessed by many but still have a ways to go.

While many of the Nav guys stayed in town this summer, not so with most of the girls. Off and on we have had girls around but the last few weeks most have been home to enjoy the last bit of summer. I feel like I have nothing important to do and Tom keeps reminding me that I'm growing a baby, staying healthy, cleaning, and making lunch and dinner most days. Yes I have a full list of things to do but, and maybe it's the pregnancy hormones, I have been feeling a bit down. I'm ready for baby to come, I'm ready (well as ready as one can be) to enter into the next phase of life where I know there will be months of sleep deprivation, dirty diapers and feedings. But I'm ready to start it. I'm ready for Cal Poly to come back and to start this new year. I was doing so good on being patient.... until yesterday! I definitely need prayers in that department. I know baby will come in God's time, but waiting for him is tough! In the meantime I am just here, doing chores.... and growing a baby

Rejoice In What God Has Given

Two weeks ago my family faced a heartbreaking event. My cousin's two year old died in his sleep. He had a brother one year older and an identical twin. They are still trying to determine cause. My family is split, some believe in God and others do not. This particular part of the family does not. My heart aches for them, the pain they are going through and little comfort. The memorial had many references to God and they even read some bible passages. There is so much hope in God, no one can deny it. I have been praying for God to comfort them, for them to fully experience His love.

This has brought up a fear that I have occasionally of losing my own child. My mom told me once there is nothing worse then to lose a child. My mom suffered three miscarriages. And I remember the day we went to my grandparents house to tell them that their oldest son had died. No matter the age, it's never easy. It hurts to love, especially when those we love don't know God. I am scared of this but then God started showing me how I am blessed right now. If I do lose my baby, I will be devastated without a doubt but I hope I will also rejoice in the time I have had with him. Feeling him kick has been such an amazing experience. Waking up in the middle of the night and feeling him move. Getting to pray for him, over him and his life and those he will come in contact with.

Pregnancy is such a blessing and I keep thanking God for the gift of feeling him kick. I'm already sad about the day that I will no longer hold him inside of me, safe and close. I look forward to holding him in my arms and getting to see his personality develop but I also know there will be hard and sad times. That he will get hurt, that he will cry, and I will hurt and cry with him. I can't believe how fast this pregnancy has gone. I have about 5 weeks (give or take) left. I want to rush forward to meet him but also linger here enjoying him just as he is.

And going back to my cousin's son. I think of God's timing. I don't know why He took home that little boy, and I know the family will hurt a long time. But I look at the small blessings within it. It was the day after my family baby shower which meant lots of our family was around to be with the family during their hard time. My cousin's brother was not suppose to be in town but from a series of odd circumstances he was able to be here with her. And for him to be down was a blessing for him too, he is such a family guy and loves kids, he is an amazing uncle and I was so glad he was with his family in the middle of all this. I'm so grateful that God had the family here to comfort them. Please pray for them though, the death of a loved one is such a process of grieving. I'm still surprised at how I respond to the death of my grandma and grandpa, which has now been 2 and 3 years. It still hurts. Keep them in your prayers and that God just pours His amazing love on them.