Nap on Mom

Today Tom watched Micah for 2 hours so I could get out of the house alone and spend some time studying. Apparently Micah screamed most of the time I was gone, not sure if he's not getting enough to eat or was unhappy that I was gone. Once I got home he was still a bit fussy so I nursed him and he is now passed out in my lap. It's funny being a mom, on the one hand I would love to go out without guilt and enjoy some me time but it's also nice to know that someone loves you so much. When he's not in the right mood and someone comes to close or holds him the bottom lip pops out. It's heartbreakingly cute. I'm torn with "dude, please let someone else hold you awhile!" and "oh my poor baby, mama is going to hold you and never let you go!"

At least I got some studying done. This quarter I will be traveling for the regional studies again, Micah in tow. Keeping up with the studies has been difficult, I have yet to finish one but luckily everyone is pretty understanding.

The other week Micah had his 4 month check up. Micah was not in a happy mood, it was right around the time to feed and nap. I wanted to wait to nurse until after his shots and he fell asleep in the car so I had to wake him up. The first thing they have you do is undress them so they can weigh them. Immediately Micah started screaming. I put him on the scale and he flailed about. I'm not sure how accurate the scale was because of this. I'm thinking it must be off some because otherwise he gained less then a pound in 2 months! He dropped from 75% for his age in weight to 20%. The doctor told me not to worry but of course I have been. I help Micah while the doctor examined him and he was fairly happy until I had to put him back on the table for shots. He started crying right away and then when she gave him the shots he did the silent scream, tears streaming out and his head turned bright red :( poor guy. Once I nursed him he was happy again. I have to say I don't like shots, I know they are good for them but its so sad to see and then for two days after Micah runs a mild fever and is so grumpy. My happy baby is back now, so I am glad but not looking forward to those next shots.

The doctor also said we could start some rice cereal and then veggies in a few weeks. I wasn't sure what Micah would think of it, I tried him in the high chair first but it doesn't recline and he was more interested in the new seat and sitting up then on eating.

I moved him to the bouncer and he ate the whole bowl! I had heard that babies make big messes when they start eating, but besides some on his face the rest he inhaled.

I'm glad he is liking it, I am so worried about his weight dropping so much, I think it was a number of factors, one is he is so active, he is always moving when he is awake. The other is he had a cold and I don't think he ate as much during that so I think it caused my production to drop. I started pumping hoping to help. Though I still haven't decided how long I'm going to nurse yet. I was just happy to make it through the first month, and here I am at 4, so who knows.

He's so funny though, he opens his mouth wide and grabs my hand with both of his and tries to shove it in his mouth. He gets mad when I'm too slow. It's been a fun experience so far, looking forward to starting some veggies.

Micah also loves blowing raspberries but lately he is doing it just with his lips, he thinks it's hilarious and so do we! What a cutie!

On the Nav side of stuff, we leave Thursday for some regional training and a marriage retreat. I'm looking forward to seeing everyone and also some other moms. Micah has been a champ at the Gathering, the students love seeing him. I'm currently trying to move his bedtime back to 8:30, right now it's in the middle of the Gathering which has been a little tough.

The little one is stirring... trying to lick my arm actually ;) time to make everyone dinner!

Sew Fun Ramblings

Last Christmas I received a sewing machine. Being of a shorter stature finding pants in the correct length is impossible. I decided instead of paying someone or just rolling up my pants (what I do more of the time), I can hem them. Between my mom and a friend I learned how to thread my needle and a few basics. Then I spent some time practicing and even hemmed a few pants. I must say, knitting seems so much easier! Doing things in straight lines is not very easy for me, and I'm a perfectionist, not a good combo.

I keep seeing friends and projects online and really want to learn though. I love making homemade gifts for people and have loved knitting things for Micah and myself. I have heard of mini quilts that parents make of their child's clothes and I really want to make one for Micah. I feel so intimidated by it though. It doesn't seem to come naturally to me at all. And I don't want to spend a lot of time or money on fabric on something that may be hideous when completed.

I picked up a quilting for beginners from the library and have been reading, it all sounds easy but I know actually doing it will be a whole other story. I have kept some of my favorites of Micah's clothes, the rest passing on to another mom. But I wonder if I should wait on cutting up Micah's clothes, what if we have another boy? Won't I want to use the clothes again? But I'm eager to start a sewing project. I probably should start with something smaller, but what? Does anyone know of a good sewing website with free patterns?

The last few years I have started doing more crafty things. Mostly I have always wanted to, just never brave enough to start. With some friends encouragement and help I got really into knitting. I love being able to make special things for friends and being on a budget it helped immensely with all the baby showers I have had the past year. It's been especially fun for baby showers as I have gotten to pray for the baby as I made them a hat, booties and/or blanket. Another reason I would love to get into sewing, to make special gifts for family and friends.

Maybe I will start by quilting a little burp cloth for Micah out of some scrap fabrics I have. Right now he has boring white diapers for burp clothes, maybe I will use one of those for the backer.... now I'm getting excited! Maybe this weekend I will pull out the sewing machine!

Trusting the Ultimate Planner

Tonight at the Gathering we talked about Trust, what do you trust in? Who do you trust? Why do you trust these things? And why is it hard for you to trust God? It was really cool as different people spoke honestly about what was difficult for them. Some of us are more worried about others opinions, some of us don't believe God will come through. For me one of the reasons I find it difficult to trust God is I think I know best.

For me, I am a planner, an organizer. My spiritual gift is administration. I enjoy planning and scheduling events to make the most of the day. When we load up the car, I'm the one who shuffles the luggage making it all fit like a game of tetris. I trust my skills in that. When God doesn't start fitting the pieces together as I think they should I start doubting. Doesn't He know it would work best if this or that happened? But where my doubt is the greatest so also is my confidence. When I believe that God has a much bigger plan then me, that He is working it all together for His greater good, well my admin side feels better.

I like knowing that God is a planner like me. People who fly by the seat of their pants stress me out. Now don't get me wrong, I can flex my schedule but I think usually my ability to do this is I plan for EVERY situation I can think of. In my mind, I imagine all the different ways things can turn out, I plan what I would do. But the thing with God is, He is tricky. He creates situations even my wild imagination never fathomed. So I sway between panic "does He really know what He is doing? He should just do it my way!" to complete confidence in my Heavenly Father "He really knows what He is doing and how it will all work out".

God continues to remind me that I cannot plan for every situation. My mind, my ideas are not big enough. I have had situations where I just knew there was no way it could end well, then I come out the other side not only unscathed but seeing amazing miracles. Like a movie character after a huge adventure, I pat myself down, looking for wounds and turn back looking at everything that happened and just shake my head in amazement at how it all worked out so perfectly.

This was the second Gathering back this quarter. Micah's second ever. He did pretty good, a little fussy but then ended up napping through most of it. It's at an awkward time for him. Micah still is not on a sleeping schedule. I feel completely incompetent on putting him on one. Forcing him to stay awake when he is clearly exhausted seems mean and trying to put him down when he's ready to play is just impossible. I try to put him down for bed around the same time but other then that, he rules the show. Some days he naps for only 30 minutes no matter what I do and then other days he will suddenly nap for 2 hours! Sometimes he is ready for bed at 7:30, sometimes he falls asleep at 6 (what to do with that!?! Consider it a nap? Or should it be bedtime? AHH, I just don't know!). So I'm trying to be somewhat consistent and hope eventually he will fall into a routine.

Tonight was also fun as my brother, cousin and my parents current exchange student from Germany came. My cousin has talked about coming for a bit and then my brother figured he might as well come check it out too. It was fun to see them. One of the big things I miss about working for the family business is getting to see my family all the time.

After the Gathering some of the group headed down to a local pizza place that has Tuesday Night Trivia. We did it a lot last year, was a good way to hang out and get to know people more. With Micah I won't be going but Tom still plans to. Right now I plan on sitting back, enjoying this rare peace and quite :)

Baby and Books

Since Micah arrived my mind has been constantly focused on him. I love watching him grow, his smiles cheer me up no matter my mood, it's a joy to be with him. For Christmas I received a Kindle, between baby and digital books I could almost be content to disappear from all society.... almost. I decided to ask for a kindle because I thought it would be nice to be able to read on handed while nursing and when Micah's older to read as he plays at the park and such. I didn't realize how cool the kindles are.

The down sides was I knew I would still have to read real books occasionally, there is no replacing the smell and feel of a book in your hand. Also all the new books I looked at were so expensive for just a digital copy! Once I received my kindle I decided to see if there were any free books. There are TONS of free books! Mostly classics which is what I have been reading lately anyway! And the ESV of the bible. Well since Christmas I have already reread Little Women, Alice in Wonderland and just started Sherlock Holmes. In the meantime I was in the middle of reading the Lord of the Rings and am currently in The Return of the King. Yes I am a book-a-holic.

I hope Micah likes books as I do. I love sharing books with friends, talking about what was good and discussing the characters and such. I had taken a bit of a break from reading. I had picked up knitting and one thing that I like more about knitting is I'm producing something. Whether it's a gift or something for my immediate family, it's making something I don't need to buy. Reading really only benefits myself.

I hope to one day join or start a knitting group. That's the problem with knitting is you get bored if that's all your doing. I generally watch TV but chatting with friends would be much more enjoyable. If only I was talented enough to read and knit at the same time. Oh well.

Today, besides reading, I took Micah to the doctor. He's been fighting a cold and since it's his first one and I have some friends who's baby has RSV, I was the over concerned parent and called the doctor. The Doctor did prescribe an inhaler because his something wasn't something.... basically he was a bit raspy so they wanted to prescribe this asthma stuff just to help those open up so he can breath easier. Nothing serious but just keep an eye on it.

It's so hard seeing your little baby sick. Though Micah is still giving out smiles. He is a happy baby but just a little more fussy with this cold. When we put him down last night, he kept waking up since he couldn't breath out of his nose and suck his thumb. He seems to be feeling a little better now so hopefully tonight isn't so bad.

We have a full week this week including traveling 1 1/2 hours to a regional bible study and Tom leaving for the weekend. Our region is having a "Preview" for students who might be interested in working with the Navigators for a year or two. We will be traveling every other weekend for awhile for different Nav events and February is already looking like a crazy month!

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34


Just was reminded of this verse, very difficult for me to do. Definitely something I have and need to continue to pray about. I'm a planner/administrator type, I like having everything figured out. Though I am able to rest some in the fact that God is also a planner and He has it planned out much better than I ever could. Just need to keep remembering that!

First Week

This was Cal Poly's first week back. This quarter Micah and I are going to be attending the Gathering (our weekly, large group gathering) and got to attend the first one on Tuesday. It felt great to be back with the students and fun to see some new faces. Micah and also meet up with one of the girls I met with occasionally last year, it was good to catch up and look forward to spending more time with her.

Keep me in your prayers as I try to discern where to step in to ministry and where to step back and be a mom. Pray for God's guidance in that and also for the students and staff as we live life together.

New Years Resolutions?

I don't recall ever having a New Years resolution, besides maybe thinking for a day that "maybe I will have a New Years resolution this year and it will be___" and by the next day I have already forgotten. I feel like throughout the year I try to improve myself already. For me it would just be another way to procrastinate, I would wait for the New Year to create a resolution instead of working on improving myself (mind or body) at that time. Though I don't think any less of people who do it, if it works I think it's great!

I saw a blog where instead of looking at all they wanted to do for the New Year, instead took time to look at all they achieved last year. I really like that. It also seems like a really cool tradition to do with your kids instead of having them create a resolution. A great way to remember what we achieved and also what God did for us over the past year. I love to journal when I have time with God, it helps keep me focused, slows me down to really think about things and it's always neat to go back later and to remember what I had learned and to see prayers that were later answered.

So a few highlights from this last year

January 24 - found out I was pregnant

February 26, 1st ultra sound

Truth Conference with students - told the students we were pregnant

May (?) found out I was pregnant with a boy

Kept getting bigger...

Went to a ton of weddings, got to see some good friends marry and start their lives together, a few Tom was in, one he officiated

My nephew graduated kindergarten and stared 1st grade, this is him with his mom. Love them!

June: Was part of a Summer Training program. Here's a picture of the group of us. It was amazing!

September 14, became parents!

The rest of the year has been a blur but wonderful as we have been learning to be parents and still husband and wife and individuals. So many highlights and firsts!

My only regrets or disappointments was missing some good friends weddings. They were in August and early September and the doctor just wasn't comfortable with me traveling to far that late in the pregnancy. I wish I could have been at those events but it just wasn't so.

I still can't believe how much life has changed in one year. This time last year I didn't even know I was pregnant yet, and here I am with an almost 4 month old. Looking through pictures from last year I am reminded of all the wonderful family and friends I am blessed to be surrounded by, the wonderful place I get to live and the amazing job I have. There is hard things in all of it, and loving people is always hard as you hurt with them but the joys are so much greater then the pain.

Thank you Lord for such an amazing year! I'm excited to see what you do in 2011!

Can't We All Just Get Along?

I'm not a huge newspaper reader, every once in awhile I log onto our local newspaper website and will read the articles and different comments posted by other people in my area. I'm so often shocked at the hate and anger spewed on there. People become so mad when others don't agree with them. It makes me so sad! In schools I feel like we should learn how to debate (not yell, debate!). I know very few people who can have a conversation with another person on a topic they disagree on without getting mad. And often these conversations are nothing more then each party stating why they believe something without listening to the other person.

Whether it's religion, politics, where the town is going to spend it's money, to what is the right punishment for different crimes. It doesn't matter. Usually after reading the paper a few times I avoid it for awhile. It makes me so sad we don't know how to get along. That people are so intolerant of people that don't agree with them. The blessing in our country is at least we don't kill others that disagree. But we do yell, mock, name call and hate each other.

And don't get me wrong, I am by no means above this. I try and hope to be but when I see people twisting the facts and name calling on something I believe in, I get mad. I also get mad when people who have similar believes as me do the same. Why does no one know how to fact check? We hear something once, from a celebrity generally and we think it's fact. We rarely check sources, read up on topics. Before I speak, I try to check my facts, "did I hear this from a reliable source? Or was this just gossip or just how I 'feel'?"

It makes me mad to and wonder, why are our schools not teaching us this? In schools they just teach how to memorize; instead they should be teaching us how to search for facts and learn on our own. Some of the smartest people I know did poorly in school because they don't learn well by just having facts jammed into their heads. They require actual learning.

When I was in Junior High I started doing poorly in math, it had previously been one of my best subjects. After the teacher told my mom she didn't have time to teach me, my mom found me a tutor. I loved my tutor! She didn't just say 6 times 6 is 36 and expect me to just parrot back the facts, she showed my why. She used blocks, games and all sorts of different mediums to see how and why those "facts" are true. I wish my school did that more. I feel like schools are not teaching us how to learn but just how to memorize. That's not learning, a parrot can repeat back random facts. But when you actually LEARN something, now that is something neat.

"if you truly think Christians are as stupid as you say then why would you mock them and say so? Do you degrade a mentally challenge person to their face? Or mock a child for believing in Santa? No, so if you truly believe that they are "morons" then you are really heartless to be such a jerk to those people. Personally I don't think that Christians are dumb, just because someone disagrees with me doesn't make them stupid, I too am still learning, I don't know everything. And personally I fear people like you and where you are leading our country with your hate and lack of tolerance. It seems like (from your posts) that anyone who doesn't agree with your opinions is a "moron" (does that mean you know everything?). I'm sorry you dislike everyone who disagrees with you. Must be an angry, sad way to live."

The above was a response to multiple posts by a man who every time called someone a moron when they didn't agree or understand what he was saying. It makes me sad that we name call instead of trying to teach one another. And if we did believe that someone was stupid then we shouldn't name call but slow down and help them learn!

I wish people would have more tolerance for one another. Both Christians and non Christians. We as Christians need to remember God's word is powerful, we don't need to force it on others because God's word is powerful in itself. We need to encourage others to read it and see for themselves. To read it and learn, to ask questions; yes, ask God questions about things. If they truly seek then they will learn who God is, and not just memorize what others have said.

I will come across a passage that I don't understand, or remember something I "learned" (memorized) in Sunday school. Do I believe this? If I do, why do I? How does this fit into what I know about God? I start talking to God about it, I read up on it, read cross sources, read commentaries on it, discuss it with others and when I come out the other end, after I have learned about that passage, I understand and I remember for myself. Then if someone asks me about it, I'm not just parroting and answer, I truly have learned about it and have reasons for my beliefs. But I need to have grace with others, I went through a process to learn that. Hearing it from someone wasn't enough, I had to go learn it for myself and I need to have the patience and grace to allow others to learn it for themselves as well.

I hope what I am saying makes sense. Again, I am far from where I wish to be on this. My emotions often rise quickly and respond quicker then my logic. I still need to learn to take a deep breath and realize that whoever I am speaking to is a human being. They have the beliefs they do because of the narrative of their lives. Yelling, name calling, being mean is not going to help at all. Instead we need to all try to calm down and have a real honest conversation where we share our ideas but more importantly LISTEN! When someone listens to me, like a friend who listens to me vent or share, I feel like they care, that they aren't judging me but honestly listening. It makes me desire to hear from them as well. I know this isn't always the case, but we are called to love others, to help them feel loved. Listening is an amazing way to start.

Last Year I Became a Mom

2011, so weird! This time last year, I didn't even realize I was pregnant yet and now I already have a 3 month old baby! What a change from last year. When I discovered I was pregnant, 9 months didn't seem like long enough to fully wrap my head around it. I still can't believe I'm a mom. I still feel so young, I feel like I need to make sure people see my wedding ring so they know I'm not a pregnant High School girl. I have always looked young for my age.

Being a mom is such a change. When Tom and I first got married we talked about how marriage makes you realize how self centered you are. Changing your living from "me" to "we". I saw movies with people who felt chained down by marriage and I thought that was so odd. And not that I feel chained down, I love my husband and love being married, but once married I realized if I want to up and move to Texas I can't just do that. I now have someone who I have to discuss it with and decide together. My pay check cannot be spend exactly how I want, it's a joint decision, same for my husband. It has been a growing experience and sometimes it's hard but I have enjoyed living for something more then just myself. Cooking for one just wasn't so enjoyable. Decorating the house for Christmas wasn't so exciting without someone else to enjoy it with.

As I entered into motherhood I was reminded again how self centered I can be. With my husband there would be maybe one or two things a day that I would need to choose to be selfless or selfish, with a baby it happens every minute. Those first few weeks every two hours, I fed, I burped, I changed diapers, I put baby to sleep and if I was able to put him to sleep without holding him then I had general self and house upkeep. Feeding, cleaning, dishes, laundry. And before finishing those it's been two hours and you start again. I think I said "your hungry again?!?!" more times those first two weeks.

There were times I loved it, snuggling and caring for this child but there were other times I just wanted a good nights sleep and to rest and heal from giving birth. Even in that though I felt how blessed I was, a husband who willingly helped in cleaning, cooking, diapers, whatever he could do, church friends who brought meals and my mom who came and stayed some days. It made me really admire those women who have to do it alone.

Now as Micah is approaching 4 months I see how much easier it has become. That first month, he didn't mind who it was providing for his needs as long as someone did it. Slowly he started smiling, acknowledging me and my husband and now clearly prefers us over strangers. At first no cuddling or kisses would cheer him up, only food or a diaper. Now when he is upset I just pick him up or even just talk to him and he starts to smile through the tears. It feels good to be needed, to see your attempts succeeding. I love that I am starting to be able to discern Micah's cries. That I can cheer him up, that I know how to make him smile.

I don't really have a point to all this. But I guess for me I found the beginning of motherhood very hard, the healing, how even people helping really cannot do it all, breastfeeding obviously being the main thing but even more then that as a mom I no longer am able to stop thinking or worrying about Micah. It's an odd thing to have your thoughts more focused on another. When we go out, I think more about how Micah looks, if he's warm enough, etc and often forget to change my spit up covered shirt. Someone asks how I am doing and I tell them about Micah. I had heard having a child changes your life but I don't thing you cannot fully understand what that means until it happens. I know I didn't. Now when someone asks me how I am doing, I tell them about Micah, if he had a bad night, so did I. When they complement him on something it's like I have been complimented. My life has changed, I am no longer just a women or a wife. I am a mother. And though it is often hard and scary, I have to say every day I fall more and more in love with Micah.