God's Presence

2010 started with two women's conferences for me and there was many good things from both but one thing I noticed is so often on busy days I get into bed and realize I hadn't spent any time with God and hardly even talked to Him. I felt bummed by this and disappointed on what I was missing out. My schedule has been hectic these past two months and thinking of trying to "schedule" more time seemed daunting.

This is when God reminded me He is with me all day. There is never a moment that I am not spending with Him, I just need to be more aware of His presence. It has been a cool realization and something I know that will be growing for many years to come. God first brought to mind the image of blood, I don't see my blood very often but it's what helps me function throughout the day. God is with me, He is inside me, growing me, encouraging me, directing me. I feel so blessed by that!

Two weekends ago we were at the Sunland (our region with the Navigators) Student conference (I still plan on posting an update about this) and our Campus Director Mark spoke. Prior to this we had talked with him about being pregnant, how we know it's real, but it doesn't feel real. How the first doctors appointment made it seem more so and each step makes it more and more. Being a parent himself, Mark said that the reality slowly settles in until the baby comes out and the reality becomes whole. In his talk he mentioned that. How things can be real to our minds but when it becomes real to our hearts that is when the change happens. Days when the pregnancy feels real, I start praying for my baby, I start planning the baby room, I start discussing parenting ideas with God. But other days I will go and then when someone makes a comment about me being pregnant it feels surprising, in my mind I have to try to wrap my mind around that fact that in less then 7 months I will be holding my baby.

Since being pregnant my sleep has been off, I often wake in the middle of the night to find a more comfortable position (thought this wouldn't happen till I was big). And one night as I lay there I prayed about my baby, how weird it was that there was this life inside me that I couldn't see, but has already affected my life so much. God again brought to my mind the fact that like that baby I couldn't see He is always present with me. Made me so joyous! I can't wait to share with my child the cool things God is teaching me at this time. I still am so far away from being aware of God's presence but I feel like He has extended me so much grace and hates for me to feel guilty, I just don't want to miss out on that time with Him. And I just love how God uses the things so present and current in our lives to teach us such wonderful things about His character!