Rejoice In What God Has Given

Two weeks ago my family faced a heartbreaking event. My cousin's two year old died in his sleep. He had a brother one year older and an identical twin. They are still trying to determine cause. My family is split, some believe in God and others do not. This particular part of the family does not. My heart aches for them, the pain they are going through and little comfort. The memorial had many references to God and they even read some bible passages. There is so much hope in God, no one can deny it. I have been praying for God to comfort them, for them to fully experience His love.

This has brought up a fear that I have occasionally of losing my own child. My mom told me once there is nothing worse then to lose a child. My mom suffered three miscarriages. And I remember the day we went to my grandparents house to tell them that their oldest son had died. No matter the age, it's never easy. It hurts to love, especially when those we love don't know God. I am scared of this but then God started showing me how I am blessed right now. If I do lose my baby, I will be devastated without a doubt but I hope I will also rejoice in the time I have had with him. Feeling him kick has been such an amazing experience. Waking up in the middle of the night and feeling him move. Getting to pray for him, over him and his life and those he will come in contact with.

Pregnancy is such a blessing and I keep thanking God for the gift of feeling him kick. I'm already sad about the day that I will no longer hold him inside of me, safe and close. I look forward to holding him in my arms and getting to see his personality develop but I also know there will be hard and sad times. That he will get hurt, that he will cry, and I will hurt and cry with him. I can't believe how fast this pregnancy has gone. I have about 5 weeks (give or take) left. I want to rush forward to meet him but also linger here enjoying him just as he is.

And going back to my cousin's son. I think of God's timing. I don't know why He took home that little boy, and I know the family will hurt a long time. But I look at the small blessings within it. It was the day after my family baby shower which meant lots of our family was around to be with the family during their hard time. My cousin's brother was not suppose to be in town but from a series of odd circumstances he was able to be here with her. And for him to be down was a blessing for him too, he is such a family guy and loves kids, he is an amazing uncle and I was so glad he was with his family in the middle of all this. I'm so grateful that God had the family here to comfort them. Please pray for them though, the death of a loved one is such a process of grieving. I'm still surprised at how I respond to the death of my grandma and grandpa, which has now been 2 and 3 years. It still hurts. Keep them in your prayers and that God just pours His amazing love on them.