God's Gifts

I had a wonderful quiet time today. Lately I have been feeling down. Tom hasn't had a paycheck since December and though at first our fundraising was really trucking it has slowed down and its scary to watch your savings slowly drop. I start training my replacement soon and we a praying for at least being at 75% of our funding so we can start getting a paycheck. But even in the trials God is good and even in this short time I have seen Him working in me and already doing such amazing things. I feel so blessed that He even thinks I am worth is.

A little over a year ago my grandma had a stroke and for months we watched her slowly deteriorate. It was so hard to watch and we were glad when God finally took her home and removed her suffering. But ever since when I thought of her, I saw her as she was in those last days, and my heart broke and I would cry and cry for her pain. I tried to remember her before the stroke and it was so hard to ignore the images of later. For a year I had struggled with it and then on Easter Sunday, I was singing in church and God placed an image so perfect in my head. It was my grandma, she was chuckling and smiling, enjoying the service, agreeing with our words of worship and her face was full of peace. Peace that I never saw on her face in this lifetime. I hadn't asked God for such an amazing gift. Wouldn't have even known how to start but the Holy Spirit understood the groaning of my soul. I uttered probably one of my most heart felt prayers and it wasn't some fancy prayer or even with many words. I just bowed my head and prayed "thank you, thank you, thank you. Thank you so much God" it was all I could say but He knew my heart.

It was something I held around myself like a warm blanket. I didn't even share it for awhile. I just enjoyed God's gift. Then at bible study we were talking about what worship is and what it looks like. God reminded me of another time He had given me a gift. After my uncle had died 10 years ago God had given me a clear vision of my uncle sitting on steps, surrounded by children. He was playing his guitar and they were worshipping God. I remember my grandma a year or two before she died has said how glad she was that I had shared that. I thanked God again for His gifts.

Then He showed me something I had not noticed. Both my vision of my uncle and the vision of my grandma showed them worshipping Him in their own ways. After they had passed away I would say things to myself about how they were with family and friends now in heaven. But God showed me yes that is good and true but their TRUE joy was from being in HIS presence. Their peace and joy was from worshiping God. I feel like God has wrapped me in His arms in this hard time. I am so blessed to be His child. I think of the verse when Jesus was baptized and God says "this is My son, with Him I am well pleased" and I think wow I am His child, and if that is all I ever am what a joy and blessing and more than enough. He loves me which is amazing and I want to live my life so when I get to heaven He will look at me and call me His child and because of the life I have led loving Him that He will be able to say that He is pleased with me.