Yesterday we spent the morning helping one of our new Edge staff girls move in. For those of you who don't know Edge is a part of the Navigators. It's a way for recent college graduates to give 1-2 years of their time after college to spread God's word. Edge students receive training and provide aid to already running ministries. After their 1-2 years they continue on into a normal career. Tom and I are technically Edge, we joined the Navigators in this way for the training. While for most Edge is only a 1-2 year commitment with the Navigators, Tom and me plan on staying on with the Navigators indefinitely until God leads us out of it.
This year we will have two Edge staff girls. We are so excited about them, they both came to visit before summer and we think their personalities will be great! The first year of Edge is always hard, like any job you are coming into someone else's vision. There are things you have to do that you don't understand, things that you would do differently (and someday might do that way). A new bunch of coworkers. The first quarter seems to be the hardest, school starts and you hit the ground running.
It's true that "the harvest is plentiful but the laborers are few". Like every ministry it's hard to not let the needs you see around you run you ragged. You start to feel like it's all on you and if it you don't do it, it wont get done. It's not just a job left undone, its a person who is hurting that you might have been able to help. And let's not forget that you are being financially supported by people who don't see your everyday to-do list, you feel an obligation to them to use every second and every dollar wisely. No wonder so many pastors and missionaries get burned out.
It's so easy to forget that it's not about us, how much we can do on our own. It's about God, it's His work. If I run out of time or cannot talk to three people in desperate need at one time, I am not failing them, it's not about me working harder. Perhaps God wanted them to be separated at this hard time, or perhaps with me out of the way someone else will step up and love them. When we forget that we cannot mess up God's work is when we lose sight of who is really in control. In college I was involved in a college ministry, in some ways I think the girl who was meeting with me made some poor choices, I think much of her advice was self motivated. But you know what, that is what caused me to grow. I had no one to turn to but God. I had to seek Him and listen to Him only. I feel like that is the time my relationship with God really started to grow.
Starting this post, I did not plan on going there but God certainly directs. As I am heading into this next year at Cal Poly, I need to remember why I'm here, who sent me and in the end, who's work I am doing. I'm chomping at the bit to get this next year started. I think some really cool things are going to happen, and I have no idea what those will be, it may seem small or not even clear to many but I think God has some cool stuff to show me. I think God has some really sweet stuff planned for our two new Edge girls, I think it will be hard year for them, in many ways I think our staff will fail them and yet it's all in God's control, it will happen the way He wants it.
Please be praying for:
-our new Edge girls that they are open to what God has in store for them this year
-for unity in our staff, that we serve and love each other this year and continue to grow closer
-for the students we will be connecting with, that God brings us together, shows us where we should be reaching in and that their hearts would be open to experiencing God
-for baby Nelson and for me, patience in this time of waiting and for a healthy delivery in God's time
Friday, September 3, 2010
Friday, August 27, 2010
I'm growing a baby, what did you do today?
As of Wednesday I am considered full term. I still can't believe it! Tom has been impatiently waiting for baby to come and his excitement has rubbed off and now I'm feeling equally impatient. I just want the little guy to come! It doesn't help that last week was the end of crazy summer stuff. This week has felt much more relaxed which for me, who enjoys a schedule, has been tough. I still have a long to-do-list but it's all small errands and stuff around the house, things I'm not all that excited about doing. I wish Cal Poly was in, I keep hoping baby will come early because I really don't want to miss the first Gathering and other Navigator stuff. This summer has been so much more busy then we thought but it has been really good. I'm surprised at how much I was able to get done. The baby room is ready and turned out so much better than I thought. I keep going in there and sitting on my glider just enjoying it.
Cal Poly doesn't start until September 20. Tom's weekly guys bible study has still been going great, and he has been meeting one on one with many guys. We also have been working on fund raising. With our need went up and so we have been trying to reach out to new folks, churches and also some people who have already contacted. We have already been blessed by many but still have a ways to go.
While many of the Nav guys stayed in town this summer, not so with most of the girls. Off and on we have had girls around but the last few weeks most have been home to enjoy the last bit of summer. I feel like I have nothing important to do and Tom keeps reminding me that I'm growing a baby, staying healthy, cleaning, and making lunch and dinner most days. Yes I have a full list of things to do but, and maybe it's the pregnancy hormones, I have been feeling a bit down. I'm ready for baby to come, I'm ready (well as ready as one can be) to enter into the next phase of life where I know there will be months of sleep deprivation, dirty diapers and feedings. But I'm ready to start it. I'm ready for Cal Poly to come back and to start this new year. I was doing so good on being patient.... until yesterday! I definitely need prayers in that department. I know baby will come in God's time, but waiting for him is tough! In the meantime I am just here, doing chores.... and growing a baby
Cal Poly doesn't start until September 20. Tom's weekly guys bible study has still been going great, and he has been meeting one on one with many guys. We also have been working on fund raising. With our need went up and so we have been trying to reach out to new folks, churches and also some people who have already contacted. We have already been blessed by many but still have a ways to go.
While many of the Nav guys stayed in town this summer, not so with most of the girls. Off and on we have had girls around but the last few weeks most have been home to enjoy the last bit of summer. I feel like I have nothing important to do and Tom keeps reminding me that I'm growing a baby, staying healthy, cleaning, and making lunch and dinner most days. Yes I have a full list of things to do but, and maybe it's the pregnancy hormones, I have been feeling a bit down. I'm ready for baby to come, I'm ready (well as ready as one can be) to enter into the next phase of life where I know there will be months of sleep deprivation, dirty diapers and feedings. But I'm ready to start it. I'm ready for Cal Poly to come back and to start this new year. I was doing so good on being patient.... until yesterday! I definitely need prayers in that department. I know baby will come in God's time, but waiting for him is tough! In the meantime I am just here, doing chores.... and growing a baby
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Rejoice In What God Has Given
Two weeks ago my family faced a heartbreaking event. My cousin's two year old died in his sleep. He had a brother one year older and an identical twin. They are still trying to determine cause. My family is split, some believe in God and others do not. This particular part of the family does not. My heart aches for them, the pain they are going through and little comfort. The memorial had many references to God and they even read some bible passages. There is so much hope in God, no one can deny it. I have been praying for God to comfort them, for them to fully experience His love.
This has brought up a fear that I have occasionally of losing my own child. My mom told me once there is nothing worse then to lose a child. My mom suffered three miscarriages. And I remember the day we went to my grandparents house to tell them that their oldest son had died. No matter the age, it's never easy. It hurts to love, especially when those we love don't know God. I am scared of this but then God started showing me how I am blessed right now. If I do lose my baby, I will be devastated without a doubt but I hope I will also rejoice in the time I have had with him. Feeling him kick has been such an amazing experience. Waking up in the middle of the night and feeling him move. Getting to pray for him, over him and his life and those he will come in contact with.
Pregnancy is such a blessing and I keep thanking God for the gift of feeling him kick. I'm already sad about the day that I will no longer hold him inside of me, safe and close. I look forward to holding him in my arms and getting to see his personality develop but I also know there will be hard and sad times. That he will get hurt, that he will cry, and I will hurt and cry with him. I can't believe how fast this pregnancy has gone. I have about 5 weeks (give or take) left. I want to rush forward to meet him but also linger here enjoying him just as he is.
And going back to my cousin's son. I think of God's timing. I don't know why He took home that little boy, and I know the family will hurt a long time. But I look at the small blessings within it. It was the day after my family baby shower which meant lots of our family was around to be with the family during their hard time. My cousin's brother was not suppose to be in town but from a series of odd circumstances he was able to be here with her. And for him to be down was a blessing for him too, he is such a family guy and loves kids, he is an amazing uncle and I was so glad he was with his family in the middle of all this. I'm so grateful that God had the family here to comfort them. Please pray for them though, the death of a loved one is such a process of grieving. I'm still surprised at how I respond to the death of my grandma and grandpa, which has now been 2 and 3 years. It still hurts. Keep them in your prayers and that God just pours His amazing love on them.
This has brought up a fear that I have occasionally of losing my own child. My mom told me once there is nothing worse then to lose a child. My mom suffered three miscarriages. And I remember the day we went to my grandparents house to tell them that their oldest son had died. No matter the age, it's never easy. It hurts to love, especially when those we love don't know God. I am scared of this but then God started showing me how I am blessed right now. If I do lose my baby, I will be devastated without a doubt but I hope I will also rejoice in the time I have had with him. Feeling him kick has been such an amazing experience. Waking up in the middle of the night and feeling him move. Getting to pray for him, over him and his life and those he will come in contact with.
Pregnancy is such a blessing and I keep thanking God for the gift of feeling him kick. I'm already sad about the day that I will no longer hold him inside of me, safe and close. I look forward to holding him in my arms and getting to see his personality develop but I also know there will be hard and sad times. That he will get hurt, that he will cry, and I will hurt and cry with him. I can't believe how fast this pregnancy has gone. I have about 5 weeks (give or take) left. I want to rush forward to meet him but also linger here enjoying him just as he is.
And going back to my cousin's son. I think of God's timing. I don't know why He took home that little boy, and I know the family will hurt a long time. But I look at the small blessings within it. It was the day after my family baby shower which meant lots of our family was around to be with the family during their hard time. My cousin's brother was not suppose to be in town but from a series of odd circumstances he was able to be here with her. And for him to be down was a blessing for him too, he is such a family guy and loves kids, he is an amazing uncle and I was so glad he was with his family in the middle of all this. I'm so grateful that God had the family here to comfort them. Please pray for them though, the death of a loved one is such a process of grieving. I'm still surprised at how I respond to the death of my grandma and grandpa, which has now been 2 and 3 years. It still hurts. Keep them in your prayers and that God just pours His amazing love on them.
Friday, July 30, 2010
San Marcos Recap
I have been putting off this post because there is just so much to say that the idea of narrowing it down to a post felt daunting. I'm realizing though, the longer I wait to post more things are occurring that I would like to post about. So here goes...
I went into our San Marcos STP (summer training program) with high hopes. I was looking forward to learning ways to grow closer with God, spending focused time with students and spending time with God. I was not disappointed. The students were amazing, the program was only two weeks but they all dove in creating meaningful relationships with each other. Many of them are still in constant contact through phone calls and facebook. It was a different experience for me from our school year. At our Cal Poly Nav events there is a mixture of old Christians, new Christians and people who have yet to fully turn to God. At San Marcos it was all mature Christians who have been actively seeking God's will in their lives. It was neat to hear their stories and see where they had been and where they were heading.
Every week day the students and staff worked on campus for 3 hours, painting, cleaning etc, this was great for two reasons. One it helped keep the cost down, the two weeks cost students hardly anything. And the second is God loves when we serve others with a cheerful heart and our students got to practice this daily. There were days they were tired, when painting was not what they desired to do and yet they did, and more then just doing it they did it with cheerful hearts and to the best of their abilities. Also for dinner we rotated on who helped cook. It was a great way for staff and students to bond as we worked together to make the meal and to serve each other.
Each day a staff member discussed a different tool to help us draw closer to God, a few examples were meditation and scripture memory, studying God's word, Thanksgiving, silence and solitude. After talking about it for a bit the students then had time to go practice it. After we would get together with our groups (we had a small group for the two weeks) and discussed how it went. Was it hard? What did you learn about yourself in this? Do you see how God can use it to draw you closer to Him? How will you be able to use this practice in the future?
What I loved about how it was set up was it wasnt a ton of information thrown at the staff and students and then send them home. The time that we got to practice it was amazing! One of those days was silence and solitude, this was one of the hardest ones for staff and students. For an hour and a half we had to go to a place with nothing, I mean nothing. No bible, no music, avoiding visual distractions as much as possible. Tom, for example went into an empty closet and shut the door. Then we just talked to God. After we talked about where our minds where distracted. We talked about how it's hard for us to be in silence, we are so use to distractions. One of out students ended up falling asleep for most of the time. From a worldly grading type view many of our times could be considered failures. But we talked about how God just loves when we show up, He loves that we are trying, that we desire Him. And many of us learned things about ourselves. How we rely on distractions and noises to avoid the silence. How some of us are afraid of silence. And we brought these things before God.
I wish I could talk about all the discussions our group had. Tom and I were the leaders of a small group of boys and girls. Two times a week we had group time to check in and see how it was going, to talk about how to continue using these practices at home and what things would be hindrances when we get home to keeping us from it. The discussions were so great, and in two short weeks I saw our students grow and blossom. They are such amazing people!
It was a really cool STP, it was a smaller size but I think that's why the group bonded so well. If a few were going swimming they would invite everyone. There were games of Werewolf and Four on a couch almost every night. And when the time came to say goodbye there were hugs, exchanging of phone numbers and prayers for each other. There was so many awesome things God did in the students and the staff, Tom and I really hope we get to be a part of it again next year!
Below is a picture of our girls being silly
And here's one of the boys
This is a group photo, one Saturday we helped serve food at a wedding for 750 people! It was a long crazy day but it was a blast!
I went into our San Marcos STP (summer training program) with high hopes. I was looking forward to learning ways to grow closer with God, spending focused time with students and spending time with God. I was not disappointed. The students were amazing, the program was only two weeks but they all dove in creating meaningful relationships with each other. Many of them are still in constant contact through phone calls and facebook. It was a different experience for me from our school year. At our Cal Poly Nav events there is a mixture of old Christians, new Christians and people who have yet to fully turn to God. At San Marcos it was all mature Christians who have been actively seeking God's will in their lives. It was neat to hear their stories and see where they had been and where they were heading.
Every week day the students and staff worked on campus for 3 hours, painting, cleaning etc, this was great for two reasons. One it helped keep the cost down, the two weeks cost students hardly anything. And the second is God loves when we serve others with a cheerful heart and our students got to practice this daily. There were days they were tired, when painting was not what they desired to do and yet they did, and more then just doing it they did it with cheerful hearts and to the best of their abilities. Also for dinner we rotated on who helped cook. It was a great way for staff and students to bond as we worked together to make the meal and to serve each other.
Each day a staff member discussed a different tool to help us draw closer to God, a few examples were meditation and scripture memory, studying God's word, Thanksgiving, silence and solitude. After talking about it for a bit the students then had time to go practice it. After we would get together with our groups (we had a small group for the two weeks) and discussed how it went. Was it hard? What did you learn about yourself in this? Do you see how God can use it to draw you closer to Him? How will you be able to use this practice in the future?
What I loved about how it was set up was it wasnt a ton of information thrown at the staff and students and then send them home. The time that we got to practice it was amazing! One of those days was silence and solitude, this was one of the hardest ones for staff and students. For an hour and a half we had to go to a place with nothing, I mean nothing. No bible, no music, avoiding visual distractions as much as possible. Tom, for example went into an empty closet and shut the door. Then we just talked to God. After we talked about where our minds where distracted. We talked about how it's hard for us to be in silence, we are so use to distractions. One of out students ended up falling asleep for most of the time. From a worldly grading type view many of our times could be considered failures. But we talked about how God just loves when we show up, He loves that we are trying, that we desire Him. And many of us learned things about ourselves. How we rely on distractions and noises to avoid the silence. How some of us are afraid of silence. And we brought these things before God.
I wish I could talk about all the discussions our group had. Tom and I were the leaders of a small group of boys and girls. Two times a week we had group time to check in and see how it was going, to talk about how to continue using these practices at home and what things would be hindrances when we get home to keeping us from it. The discussions were so great, and in two short weeks I saw our students grow and blossom. They are such amazing people!
It was a really cool STP, it was a smaller size but I think that's why the group bonded so well. If a few were going swimming they would invite everyone. There were games of Werewolf and Four on a couch almost every night. And when the time came to say goodbye there were hugs, exchanging of phone numbers and prayers for each other. There was so many awesome things God did in the students and the staff, Tom and I really hope we get to be a part of it again next year!
Below is a picture of our girls being silly
And here's one of the boys
This is a group photo, one Saturday we helped serve food at a wedding for 750 people! It was a long crazy day but it was a blast!
Saturday, June 12, 2010
STP San Marcos
Tomorrow we leave for our STP (summer training program). It will be at Cal State San Marcos (5 hours south of home), we will be staying in the student apartments there. Think of it like summer camp for college students. Tom and I are helping lead and the focus is on growing intimacy with God. There will be topics like the word of God, prayer, meditation, etc. there will be a lecture on what they are, why they are important and how to do it then there is time for the students to do it. Later that day they can come back to their group and share how it went. We are so excited to be a part of it! We have two students (one girl, one boy) from Cal Poly going with us, both of whom will be sticking around SLO after so it will be a great kick off to our summer together.
As much as I am looking forward to it, there is also the part of me that doesn't like to be away from home for that long. We will be gone for over two weeks! So keep me in your prayers for that and also for energy. The last few days I have just felt uncomfortable as my tummy keeps expanding and sleeping has been affected. And baby sure seems to think that night time is play time, whenever I wake up at night and in the morning he is kicking and moving like crazy! It's always the best time to feel him but sometimes that means I get so excited about him moving that I can't get back to sleep! Lol but it's a good problem to have!
Please Pray:
-Safe travels on our way down there
-That baby continues to be healthy and grow
-For some good sleep
-and most importantly pray for the students and all of us on staff that we just get to enjoy this time with God and learn more ways to experience Him!
As much as I am looking forward to it, there is also the part of me that doesn't like to be away from home for that long. We will be gone for over two weeks! So keep me in your prayers for that and also for energy. The last few days I have just felt uncomfortable as my tummy keeps expanding and sleeping has been affected. And baby sure seems to think that night time is play time, whenever I wake up at night and in the morning he is kicking and moving like crazy! It's always the best time to feel him but sometimes that means I get so excited about him moving that I can't get back to sleep! Lol but it's a good problem to have!
Please Pray:
-Safe travels on our way down there
-That baby continues to be healthy and grow
-For some good sleep
-and most importantly pray for the students and all of us on staff that we just get to enjoy this time with God and learn more ways to experience Him!
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Summer Excitment
I love how God, like a good friend, encourages us when we are down. I had been feeling anxious about what next year would look like. Baby boy is due right when school starts and I keep thinking, if only he was a month earlier I would be so much more ready to get back on campus. I have been feeling like everyone will be starting and I will fall behind. But then God encouraged me one morning and made me so excited for next year and this summer. I realized that I will have for sure 1 girl around this summer that I can pour into and maybe even two. Both will be around next year, both have cars which will make meeting up with a baby so much easier. Both are really cool women who desire to know God more.
I went from being anxious about the start of the school year to really excited because it won't be picking up everything with a baby, it will be continuing with the girl(s) I meet with this summer and that has me so excited! I also told them both about my idea for a knitting night and both are interested in participating.
Currently both are on the fence about the Summer Training Program Tom and I are helping lead because of work, so I am praying that if God wants them there it works out. It would be a great kickoff to a summer together but God knows better than I do what is good. Any prayers you send my way for the STP (Summer Training Program) will be much appreciated as well. We just got home from our week long Summit and our STP is in three weeks. I'm a total homebody and then there's always the headache of getting someone to watch cats (thanks mom) and water the plants. And for this STP it's exciting because we will have our own kitchen which will be super nice but also means we need to pack pots and pans (and who knows what else) which is just more to remember.
But even with having been gone so much and all the hassles that come with travel I am really looking forward to the STP. The topic is Inner Transformation which is focusing on intimacy with God. From my understanding we will discuss different spiritual practices (praying, meditating, etc) and then we will have time to just go be with God and do what we talked/learned about.
The first week we are there I will hit 7 months! I can't believe I'm 6 months already! A few nights before hitting the 6 month mark Tom finally got to feel baby kick. It wasn't one of the big ones but he did feel baby so it was neat. I can't believe how much more I feel him move the last two weeks! It's so neat! And I had my doctor checkup yesterday and everything looks good! I've got so much to look forward to this summer!
I went from being anxious about the start of the school year to really excited because it won't be picking up everything with a baby, it will be continuing with the girl(s) I meet with this summer and that has me so excited! I also told them both about my idea for a knitting night and both are interested in participating.
Currently both are on the fence about the Summer Training Program Tom and I are helping lead because of work, so I am praying that if God wants them there it works out. It would be a great kickoff to a summer together but God knows better than I do what is good. Any prayers you send my way for the STP (Summer Training Program) will be much appreciated as well. We just got home from our week long Summit and our STP is in three weeks. I'm a total homebody and then there's always the headache of getting someone to watch cats (thanks mom) and water the plants. And for this STP it's exciting because we will have our own kitchen which will be super nice but also means we need to pack pots and pans (and who knows what else) which is just more to remember.
But even with having been gone so much and all the hassles that come with travel I am really looking forward to the STP. The topic is Inner Transformation which is focusing on intimacy with God. From my understanding we will discuss different spiritual practices (praying, meditating, etc) and then we will have time to just go be with God and do what we talked/learned about.
The first week we are there I will hit 7 months! I can't believe I'm 6 months already! A few nights before hitting the 6 month mark Tom finally got to feel baby kick. It wasn't one of the big ones but he did feel baby so it was neat. I can't believe how much more I feel him move the last two weeks! It's so neat! And I had my doctor checkup yesterday and everything looks good! I've got so much to look forward to this summer!
Friday, April 2, 2010
I am self-sufficient in Christ's sufficiency
Last night our girls bible study finished up Philippians. The way we have been looking at it is we print up two translations of the same passage, and then read both translations. Then we talk about the passage, themes, things we liked, things we didn't, things that confused us. It's really good for a group that doesn't have time to study and read on there own or if you usually have new people drop in because they won't feel odd by not having read the passage, there is no homework so it's easy to just stop by and enjoy.
By looking at both translations sometimes things can become more clear or just strike us more. I have heard Philippians 4:13 many times "I can do all things through Him who strengthens me" (NASB) but one of our student brought to my notice the Amplified version
What I love about bible studies is I can read something and really not see it until someone else brings it up. I read this verse and didn't find anything that interested me, then one of the girls pointed out the last bit "I am self-sufficient in Christ's sufficiency". Self-sufficient, especially to an american, means on my own, not being dependent, my own person. And yet here Paul says what makes him able to survive without the help of others is through Christ. We discussed this verse for awhile and I have kept thinking about it ever since. It's so out of our normal mindset and yet totally is what the Christian walk is all about. I am only enough with Christ. My flesh is sinful, I always fall short of God's glory, on my own works I am not good enough to even look in God's direction. Yet because of Jesus and His gift, I can have daily interactions with the God of the universe. I am enough because Christ was enough for all of us!
This self-sufficient yet dependent on Christ's sufficiency reminds me of the discussion of freedom in Christ. The fact that we are all slaves to something but to be a slave to the flesh is to serve a harsh master while to be a slave to Christ really gives us the most freedom. I feel that again with this verse, we all like to think we are self-sufficient and yet how many of us could actually survive without others? And without complaining? Earlier in Philippians Paul talks about how he is content whether he is rich or poor, whether he is full or starving. Paul is satisfied with Christ, he has what he needs in Christ. It's humbling when I think of how dissatisfied I get when I can't eat a favorite food, I'm not even starving.
Moments like that make me so excited that I get to study the bible with others. I skimmed right over that line, didn't give it a second thought. The week after next we are going to start on Acts, and no we have no hopes of making it through by the end of the quarter. But I'm definitely excited about it.
Our campus is part of what the Navigators call the Sunland Region (California, Hawaii and Arizona). The EDGErs (first and second year in training Navigators) that can meet about once a month to do a study called Route 66. It's an overview of the entire bible (66 because there are 66 books in the bible). Two different people lead each time, Tom and I lead for the prophecy section and the one next week we are leading again, this time it's Acts. I have enjoyed studying it the last few weeks and when trying to decide what to study next for our girls bible study, I realized I wouldn't mind starting again on it and getting to read it with friends.
So I have been praying about it, I had been wanting to do something in the OT because I have really been enjoying that but I feel like part of the reason I am able to enjoy it so much is I know the NT well enough to see the connections and I am so excited seeing how God is still the same, His heart and His plan are still the same. But if I did the bible study with the girls those connections they probably wouldn't see on their own and I feel it is so much more powerful when you find those connections on your own then someone just pointing them out. Though both experiences are exciting.
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